by Lisa Moeller

Created on: October 17, 2009   Last Updated: October 18, 2009

Of primary importance: release your need to be liked. People who project their need to be liked end up with the exact opposite result. Living your truth and being who you honestly are in each moment is of far more worth than having people like you because you manipulated your self to get them to do so. Some people will like you and some will not. Sometimes for inexplicable reasons. This is the natural occurrence of sharing a world with unique individuals. Changing their sometimes unfounded opinion of you is not your responsibility, unless your very existence is on the line (and even then, I wonder).

That being said, if your desire is to be liked and to increase your circle of friends, yet you are not and you have no friends at all, it's time to ask yourself some very difficult questions. If we accept the notion that we create our reality, consciously or unconsciously, then why are you creating a reality void of kind acquaintances and deep friendships? And how?

Give the following questions some brutally honest thought and answers:

1. Of primary importance, do you truly honor and love yourself? If you haven't found the place where you honor and love who you are despite any perceived flaws, you will struggle to find people who will truly do the same for you. 1. When you are out and about, do you make eye contact and smile at passers-by? Or do you walk with your head down, avoiding a connection with people around you?

2. Practically speaking, do you take excellent care of yourself? Do you present your best self to the world as much as possible? How you offer yourself to the world is a reflection of how you feel about yourself as a valuable, worthy human being.

3. If someone begins a conversation with you, say over the price of tea in China, do you nod and offer the minimal "uh-huh," or do you engage in the conversation, however brief and seemingly trivial?

4. In a group discussion, do you keep your honest opinions to yourself, or do you share, unattached to whether your opinion is embraced or not? Do you even subject yourself to group discussions?

5. Do you wait for people to initiate conversation, or do you take the opportunity to express yourself? Do you get the ball rolling with someone you'd like to know or someone you want to like you? Or do you wait and hope it will just magically happen all by itself and hide behind the cliche' "it wasn't meant to be?"

6. Do you make yourself available to others to help, have fun, complete a project, etc.? Do you offer yourself up and risk the fear of rejection? See item 1. If you honor and love yourself, you cannot be set back by rejection.

8. Is the zipper on your assumption-based, judgmental nature down? Zip it. Lock it. Stitch it permanently closed. People have the innate ability to hone right in on it and you are busted.

9. Do you laugh at yourself? Do you find the humor in living? Are you always finding a silver lining? Or are you a "negative Nelly," a "half glass empty," a "pessimistic Paul?"

10. Are you a compassionate encourager? Or do you always find reasons why something will not succeed? Everyone needs a cheerleader.

11. Are you stuck in the quicksand of arrogance and self-centeredness? Do you always ask yourself "What's in it for me?" Are you a taker, not a giver?

These questions provide you with an opportunity to examine yourself without abandoning your truth. If you find you are projecting a "come no closer" vibe to people around you, change it by taking some risks with old, learned behaviors that have out-grown their use and are preventing the enriching benefits of friendship.

So, what DO you think about the price of tea in China?

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