by Francis Wanja

Created on: October 16, 2009   Last Updated: October 17, 2009

Letter to my Beloved.

Dear Zole,

I write this letter from this dungeon of a prison which i have evidently thrust myself into. My dear Zole, i know you are wondering what i am talking about but i will get back to that later. At this moment, i would like to tell you about a hole in my heart. You see, my dear Zole, it is not a physical hole but a darker, deeper and ominous trench that has continued to sink my spirit deeper and deeper into misery. Zole, you probably would never understand me because am black and eternally condemned to be a second class citizen unlike you from the country of the mountains with your golden hair and brown eyes and skin color white as snow. Many times, Zole, you have joked about my age and about my accent but as always i have shrugged it off for i would not like to entertain any feelings of despondency. I say despondency, dear Zole, because all i have to fill this deep hole in my heart is a flicker of hope. My friend, Sazan, calls it blinded hope, a proven determination to be unreasonable. See, my friend does not understand how people so different like us would be such great friends. But even greater is my friends determination to bar me from telling you what am about to tell you. Sazan thinks its foolish, i think its courageous, full of balls as the young generations would call it. You see, my dear friend Zole, i loved to see you smile before, loved to feel your soft touch on my skin and loved to feel the scent of your golden hair as it accidentaly brush against my nose. I loved those nice quite moments that we shared cuddled up in the sofa talking about nothing and laughing about everything. I loved everything we did as friends but am afraid my dear Zole, that our friendship is one huge disguise, hypocritical to say the least. You see Zole, i have seen the love in your eyes and the warmth in your smile. Your touch is no longer a friendly touch and even though you say am young and black, two adjectives your parents despise, i can see the pain caused by the acceptance of the unchangeable. And so with the pride of a man with no regrets, i wish to let you know that i dislike the moment we met. That moment in the Cafeteria is forever cursed in my heart. For that is the moment that has plunged my heart into this great prison. The prison of knowing that telling you of my love for you is what will create a huge rift between us and the feeling that letting it be the way it is will only hurt us both in the end run. So i do what my friend Sazan thinks is stupid, will you marry me Zole?

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