by Nina Hammiel Turner

Created on: October 16, 2009   Last Updated: October 17, 2009

The holidays are always an exciting time of the year. Many people have family traditions and childhood memories that make the holidays special to them. Maybe your family dressed up like Pilgrims and Indians. Maybe you attended Thanksgiving Day church service or fed meals to the homeless. Whatever you did it was likely ingrained in your mind as something that made the holidays special, unique, and something to look forward to. If you're lucky your significant other carries similar memories and has similar traditions, but chances are outside of celebrating Thanksgiving there are no similarities.

You can't wait for Thanksgiving so you can eat your mom's perfectly glazed ham and green beans with fried onions. Your significant other can't wait for Thanksgiving so he/she can eat stuffed turkey and macaroni and cheese. Your parents want you at your childhood home with your siblings and your elderly grandmother. His/Her parents want him/her at his/her childhood home with his/her siblings and his/her elderly grandmother. If either of your parents are separated it becomes even more confusing. So, how do you prevent feuding amongst families who ultimately just want to spend time with their children? Here are a few tips that may work.

Alternate holidays. You can't be in two places at once and chances are your families may not live in the same town or even within driving distance. If you opt to spend Thanksgiving with your family one year, be sure to make plans to spend it with your significant other's family the following year or make plans to spend the next holiday with them - Christmas or New Years. If you do live within driving distance of both families be sure to visit with them both for a decent amount of time and alternate who's home you visit first.

Create your own traditions. It's difficult to hold on to your childhood traditions and fantasies of Thanksgiving especially if you and your spouse have different traditions, so create your own. Instead of going to your parents' house, have Thanksgiving dinner at your place and invite everyone. Ask your mom to make your favorite dish and ask your spouse's mom to make his/her favorite dish. That way you can mix in some old traditions with the new.

Merge families. Instead of excluding your spouse's family from your family traditions and vice versa request that everyone be included in the festivities. Your mom may be thankful for the opportunity to stay out the kitchen. You may also find that you've created a new family tradition that everyone appreciates.

Whatever you decide to do, remember that Thanksgiving isn't about feuding. It's about coming together as a family and being thankful for the opportunity to be together. It's not always easy, but for one day a year leave the feuding behind you and enjoy the moment. Happy Turkey Day!

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