by Phyllis Grimes

Created on: October 15, 2009   Last Updated: October 18, 2009

Even in adulthood, it is sometimes difficult for people to see where they have gone wrong, to admit to their mistakes and to try to make amends, so of course it will be a challenge to teach children to apologize to others. Children are egocentric, and it is a process for them to learn to recognize other people's feelings and to be respectful of them. In addition, their brains are not yet developed, so they do not fully understand to think before they act and that there are consequences to their behavior. Parents should remember that it will take time, patience, and guidance to teach their children empathy and to make good choices. Some of the steps parents can follow to help their children be respectful, kind, and obedient include: directly teaching them about how to recognize and express their feelings (as they grow older, they should also be taught how to become aware of the feelings of others, as well), and to be good role models.

It is fairly easy to get a child to say that he or she is sorry, but to truly understand that feelings have been hurt, children must understand what feelings are. Why do anger management courses exist? These classes are taught because people sometimes reach adulthood without ever learning how to safely express strong emotions. Sometimes, parents and teachers expect children to simply know how to deal with being mad, sad, or nervous, but this needs to be directly taught. One way to do this is to use a chart with faces on it with the name of the emotion under the face. Parents could make the chart or purchase one. For example, there is a smiling face with the label happy beneath it, a face with tears coming from the eyes with sad underneath, another with eyebrows that are furrowed with angry below it and so on. Every morning, the parents can have a brief discussion about how they felt when they woke up and how they are feeling right now. The child could do the same. Then, when the child gets angry about his little sister breaking his toy, for example, the parent could ask him to circle or point to the face that matches how he is feeling, and they could talk about he feels. Parents should listen first without criticizing, and then they could say, I know you feel angry that your toy is broken, but when people get angry, it is still not okay to throw things or to hit. Instead, let's tell your sister how you feel, and then when she gets her birthday money, she can buy you a new toy with it. Other ways for parents to teach about feelings

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