by Marcy Buzzelli

Created on: October 15, 2009

When my mother was 85 years old, she came to live with me because she was afraid to live alone any more. Although she needed a walker to steady her gait, her mind was still sharp as evidenced by her book-a-day reading habit. Since I did most of her shopping, I soon learned that birthday gifts and cards for her contemporaneous friends had to evoke a laugh. Sentimental cards that talked about lifelong friendships were worthless in my mother's mature viewpoint. She and her friends knew how important their friendship was; they did not need some card company to tell them. What they needed was a laugh in the face of creaking bones!

Birthday gifts such a bed jackets, even though useful, were a silly investment of gift money according to my octogenarian mother. She would rather give a box of laxatives wrapped in ultra fancy paper to a dear friend who was struggling with one of nature's basic problems. Mother had a laugh wrapping the gift and writing an appropriately silly note to go with it; her friend had a chuckle when opening the gift. No one missed the sentimental nonsense, and people were able to laugh at the foibles of old age. People who accept their advancing age are not insulted by gag gifts; they are entertained!

An elderly friend of mine also subscribed to the same idea that a smile is better than a tear when it comes to birthday presents. Being a big fan of chocolate, she frequently presented the birthday person with a lovely bag of candy bars equaling in number their years on earth. Nothing calls attention to how old a person really is than seeing a large stack of Snickers bars piled high on a table! Candy bar reminders of advancing age are more fun to receive than another box of very practical kitchen dish towels.

Occasionally, a woman will be very sensitive about her age to the point of trying to keep it a secret. Of course, long-time friends will know that behind the expensive make-up, there really exists an old person. People who are 65, but are trying to pass themselves off as 55, especially deserve a gift that makes fun of their age. As a friend, though, you probably should give them the senior matinee theatre tickets in private, just in case they have really fooled anyone about their true age.

Since birthdays are wonderful to celebrate, the gifts that go with them should produce more than a ho-hum response. A laugh or a smile brought on by a playful insult beats a tear or a frown every time. The aging process is not always fun, but the birthday gift should be!

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