by Brenda Schmitt

Created on: October 15, 2009

Children who are well loved and secure are refreshingly open about what they are feeling. This is part of their charm. Of course, don't expect your five years old to understand you might not want him to repeat your negative review of the pastors last sermon while the pastors at the house for dinner!

To understand the emotions of a child you first have to understand the stages of development. What is quite normal in one stage of development may be a symptom in need of investigation in an older child. Several theories on child development exist. Erikson's eight stages of development cover the entire life span. Piaget a Swiss psychologist developed a stage theory as well. You may want to read these more deeply.

The first stage runs roughly from birth to age two. In this stage children are extremely egocentric and believe the world literally revolves around them. Very young babies from birth to about eight months can make no differentiation between themselves and their mothers or primary caretakers. For a very young baby mother is simply an extension of himself and the baby does not know his mother is a separate person. An infant according to Piaget does not even understand an object such as a toy exists when it is out of site until four to eight months.

I recently had occasion to speak to a young mother who felt her three month old baby was being bad because the baby boy peed on me in a diaper change. Another young mother I spoke to felt she was training her six week old infant to not wet her diaper as much by refusing to change her more than four times a day! These mother needed a good deal of support to understand infants aren't capable of the control needed to intentionally pee on someone or control their bodily functions

I've often heard parents talk about spoilingtheir child by holding them too much. While it is true by cause and effect a baby may figure out crying brings comfort or holding, spoiling implies willfulness and knowledge of right and wrong an infant is simply not capable of. Such language can set up negative dynamic between parent and child when parent think of their infant as spoiled for doing what is simply a natural developmental activity. Holding your infant often doesn't spoil her it makes her feel loved. The goal of the first stage is to develop trust. Trust that the world is safe, my needs will be met and I am loved.

One of the more difficult stages of this period begins at age two. At this stage the child understands he is a separate

• 1
• 2
• 3
• Next Page >>