by Shwah deVeev

Created on: February 13, 2007   Last Updated: August 05, 2008

I am NOT my illness!

I'm not bipolar. I am a person, a human being who happens to have bipolar. I think the language in which we speak about and think about ourselves is very important. Highly important really, since there is no cure for bipolar. The goal is to be able to manage our illness and be able to live the lives that we want to live.

I'm not trying to simplify the challenge at all. It is sometimes extremely daunting to have to contemplate a lifetime of health management. When I would read about or see people who knew they were supposed to take their medication for mental ailments - and didn't - and I'd wonder why they would that.

Now that I have to take medication every day, and most likely every day for the rest of my life - I know have a deeper understanding of why someone would knowingly go off the treatment they KNOW is what helps to keep them balanced and able to function.

Does the former athlete now confined to a wheelchair due to a car accident ever dream of just standing up and going for a run? Does the convict in the jail cell ever yearn for freedom?

Do I just wish... just wish that I could toss all of this... everything - and just for a moment, a few days.. a week - just be free. Just be me? I'm not one of those who finally gets on the correct medication/therapy program or balance, starts to feel good - better - and then stop taking the medication.

But I have stopped taking my medication for those other reasons. Those times have been very brief, and I'm not going to kid myself that they won't happen again. I'll never scoff at or be confused by those who do go off their meds.

I know what it's like to feel trapped inside circumstance. I didn't sign up for this, you know? I guess its one of those quirks of human nature that we sometimes do things that aren't particularly good for us - just to exercise that little bit of freedom or control we might have over our own lives.

What I have found is that it's absolutely essential to have a very strong network of support in order to help you stay on course. A good relationship with your doctor, therapist, friends, family and anyone that is in your life who understands what you have to do.

It's sort of like how you have to combine certain things or actions in order to see success. There is no dieting without exercise and no exercise without a food plan. You must do both in order to make changes.

You can have the medication you need, but you also need to have other aspects of your life come into balance as well. Someone to talk too, goals and things to look forward to and plan for and so forth. Depending on where you are in your life, the level of support needed to help you manage your bipolar will vary.

Just don't go it alone, or try to deny that you need help. We all do, whether we have a mental illness or not. Take it one day at a time, tackle each issue and challenge one a time, and use the support systems that you have in place.

And when you feel that itching to take time off from the daily grind of management, take a walk instead, or call up your friend and catch a movie. I'm not going to sit here and lie to you and say that I've always done that instead of taking a few days off my meds - but I know that that's a much better choice to take if you can.

I am me, and I am not my illness. I won't let it become what defines me.

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