by Tian Li

Created on: October 14, 2009

Let the preface state that I am not a religious person. Can't say that I believe there is anything beyond the physical world. Though it is nice to think so. I was born Buddhist but really don't consider myself to follow any organized religion. In fact, they scare the crap out of me. Nothing bothers me more than mean people who are devout worshippers of a religion. Somebody give me a kit kat bar to break. *GAG* and *GAG*

A close friend asked me why I was so nice to people whom done me wrong. I believe people can change. She said it makes her so frustrated that I'm so nice to people who don't deserve it. Bless her heart, I know she said that to me cause she cares. Thank you.

I was not always the person I am today. I was pretty selfish and inconsiderate for much of my younger days. I only did what I wanted to without a thought for anyone else's well being. I had this super huge attitude. I was a serious BITCH. It was a defense mechanism. I thought I was just a small Asian girl in a white man's world. What an inferiority complex. People treated me like I was a second rate citizen all my life. And sadly I believed them.

High school was a nightmare. I held the record for most days missed. Got called into the Principal's and counselor's offices a lot for so many absences. I dreaded school and begged my parents to let me stay home. It was so bad that they let me stay home, and we're ASIAN. Dang it's pretty bad when even Asian kids made me an outcast. I ate lunch in the bathroom for a whole year. It was harsh. No lie. Somehow I still graduated with honors, with a 93 total average. I missed a whole year of school added up from the 4 yrs of high school. The school warned me I can't miss more than 25% of school or I would be expelled. So I pushed it to the limit. Sorry Mr. B that's the real reason i missed so many days of math class. Took two or three years off from school to find myself. I went to gatech on scholarship.

Most people have a story or two which are similar. It can really make someone become a bitter person and feel sorry for themselves. I did for a long time.

I built this world which revolved around my beliefs on how mean and cruel the world is. I thought I could never do anything to change anything. Helpless is a good word in this situation. After all Asian Americans are not treated the best. And I'm just one girl. Made me a cold person. Allowed for it to consume me from within. I didn't realize I had any other choices. Don't feel sorry for me. I don't need

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