by Carmel Brulez

Created on: October 13, 2009   Last Updated: October 15, 2009

Each couple who gets a divorce does so for different reasons. But are all getting divorced in the hope that they will be happier divorced than married. Why each marriage become unhappy can be for 1001 different reasons. I have been a private relationship expert and life coach for many years, and have heard every reason there is.

Some peoples' expectations of marriage are too high. They assume that the madly in love phase will last forever. Of course it lasts a while and then gradually peters out and calms down. Instead of feeling all excited every time your beloved walks into the room your feelings are more subdued and become more tame. It is amazing how many people expect this feeling to continue forever and look elsewhere to someone else when it goes, forgetting that if they find it elsewhere that will also only last for a limited time and then disappear. They could repeat this pattern over and over again for the rest of the life and never form a totally committed and serious bond with anyone.

Many people divorce because their partner wants the advantages of being married and having a stable relationship, and a partner to call their own. Yet they also want to feel free to see and date others. Usually of course they lie about it, hide it and sneak around. But it still damages the relationship. Their partner is not getting the time they used to and they no longer have meaningful conversations. Secrecy can destroy a marriage. The fact there is not that close bond like there used to be and ought to be would damage the marriage.

If one of them is abusive, maybe drinking, gambling, wasting money or being violent, the other will begin to dread the time they spend with them and prefer it when they are not there. This may or may not lead them to look outside the relationship for love and comfort. Even if it does not they will resent their partner and feel bitterness instead of love. In a situation like this unless the person with the problem accepts they need help and gets help the relationship slips slowly down a slippery hill.

Differences about money are a common cause of divorce. If one is hardworking and careful and the other lazy or wasting money the cautious hardworker will get resentful towards the other. Sometimes this can be resolved through discussions but people tend to be what they are and do not try to or cannot change.

Sexual incompatability is a killer in most marriages. The only marriages that can sustain themselves without this are the 'brother and

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