by Paola Fanutti

Created on: October 13, 2009

The plain answer to this question is that talk about sex must be ongoing in any relationship, as sex is such an integral part of emotional, physical and sexual intimacy. The idea that sex should only be discussed once two people are in a completely blissful emotional and psychic union presupposes that people do not have sex until they are truly in love, when in reality, in human behaviour, sexual intimacy plays not only a role in EXPRESSING an existing intimacy, but also in ESTABLISHING it. Having sex contributes to emotional feelings of intimacy as much as intimacy contributes towards the desire to have sex, which is why inevitably in a "friends with benefits" arrangement, however slight, one party almost always develops an emotional attachment to the other person.

Not surprisingly, communication and 'talking about sex' needs to be ongoing, and the discussion topic centering around sex take different turns in every stage of (various) relationships. Concepts about sexuality, sexual expression and sexual identity are so fundamentally entrenched in each human person, that even if two partners are NOT having sex per se, sexual talk is illuminates many important and intimate aspects about the other person and one's own self.

If you're with a new partner, you should talk about sex before you have it.

If you're in an established relationship, you should talk about sex after you have it.

And if you're involved in a fling, you should talk about it before and during the act.

These may seem like unnecessarily complicated answers, but communication about sex should be on many levels, as the very act itself reaches an encompasses many levels and can manifest in various moments both the most selfless love and the most selfish lust. Sex s an act capable of expressing both the most beautiful and spiritual and the most animalistic and depraved and communication about sexual matters, the subject of sex, "what partners discuss", depends on how the two have chosen to live their sexual experience.

Of course, two people in a fresh relationship do not talk about sex in the same way that a married couple might. They will approach necessary and practical topics like previous sexual practices, past partners, STD history, contraception, and sexual preferences. The purpose of their discussion is to educate their partner their own sexuality and not establishing a sexual intimacy just yet. The raw vulgarity of "dirty talk" during sex can heighten the physical pleasure and lead to greater

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