by Gavin Wyatt

Created on: October 13, 2009   Last Updated: May 21, 2011

Fear itself had been enough to make slow shaking waves contort her movements. Her hands would bounce slowly up and down in front of her if she tried to move them. How could she be so still as to not make him suspicious? She stood with her eyes looking up at him counting the seconds in her mind that would flag an uncomfortable silence. Her answer had to be perfect. She knows she has to be perfect. It was all that would keep her intact, and everything within her grasp. Her competence was all that was keeping this life together for them. One misstep would surely send her into spin-out. She needed to be on the other side of herself where she could be everything to everyone and she would need nothing. There is only one path to that kind of peace. The peace of an existence lived without all of the little hooks of life inside her body. She had to finish the turnover, and she would be gone.

Her breathing slowed, and refocusing on his face, she mumbled deftly "No." She could not take one follow up question from him. He would see right through her. He glanced up at her and she felt sick. She knew she could not waver from his eyes. She had to be calm and precise. She had to make the waves stop, damn, stop! He was suspicious; she could sense his new found interest. It was a light suspicion that not everything was right inside her eyes. She knew he was right. There was almost nothing to show, or see anymore. Her eyes showed the reluctant awareness of the situation. It was the action that did not happen, locked in a cage, what she needed to do cemented itself in her mind and she realized it had to be now. She would not make it with him. She would kill him. She stood in a silence that felt like forever, with words that would not come out, and heart paralyzed in fear of herself.

It was like being trapped inside her body, watching it slowly take a path into forever without any idea what to do about it. She had a deep fear that she was losing it, and she needed to be back in her life, engaged once again. She began to feel deep loathing of this man that could keep her away from the final end, if he found out now, he would stop her. Anger flashed through the back of her hot neck, slowing her breathing again. The anger made her aware that she was still having feelings, and they should be gone by now. "The last step must finish them off" slipped from her lips, but not loud enough for him to here. His head was in the refrigerator. She followed the procedure flawlessly she thought

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