Having worked in the child-care industry for many years prior to becoming a parent, I thought I was quite the expert on raising children. I expected to teach my children so many things and to do it so well. And I have but what I did not expect was how much I would learn from them. Here is a humorous look at the serious lessons I, as a parent have learned from my children throughout the years.
My daughter, at age 3 was due her immunizations. I carefully explained to her the reason for the visit to the Health Department and what she should expect. "It won't hurt. It will just feel like a little pinch." I told her, feeling sure this would calm any fears she may have. She had the immunizations and everything seemed to go very well. I walked out a proud parent, having taken the proper steps to ensure this positive experience. Oh, was I ever proud when the nurses expressed "what an exceptionally good little girl" my daughter had been. Until later that afternoon when she marched up to me with a look of determination on her face and pinched my arm. I grabbed my arm and exclaimed, "That hurt!" She retorted, "It was just a little pinch."
Lesson #1 Just be honest with your children. If it is going to hurt, tell them it is going to hurt. Inevitably, they will face pain in life. Do not sugar-coat it. Prepare them for it. In addition, if a parent is honest with their children, will not the children be more likely to learn to be honest in return?
It was on a Sunday morning while I was getting ready for church. As I stood in front of the mirror applying my makeup, my then two year old son stood in the doorway. He watched for a few minutes and then said, "Hey mommy. You're starting to look pretty."
Lesson #2 A mother need not think more highly of herself than she ought.
Lesson #3 Be prepared to accept your children's brutal honesty.
My youngest son loved to take a bath when he was just a small child. He would often ask at the oddest hours, "Can I take a bathtub?" A bathtub, as he called it. During a Sunday evening worship service at our church, a friend of ours was to be baptized. My husband and I had our three children sitting in the pew next to us awaiting the special occasion. As the pastor began to descend into the baptismal pool, my son exclaimed in an excitedly loud voice, "Why is Bro. Pugh taking a bathtub? I wanna take a bathtub with Bro. Pugh!" My husband tried to quietly explain that he was not taking a bath. He was performing a baptism. My son did not understand. Nor did he care. He repeatedly implored in his loud and excited voice "I wanna take a bathtub with Bro. Pugh." I am quite sure I heard more giggles than amens.
Lesson #4 It is not snobbish to exclude children from formal events. It is simply the only way to ensure that the event remain dignified if dignity is what one wishes to maintain.
At age two, my youngest was a bossy little fellow. He would walk into the kitchen, shove me as hard as he could with his elbow and say in an annoyingly rude tone "MOVE, MOMMY!" Of course, at first, it was cute. But as this behavior continued, my husband and I decided that we needed to teach a bit of manners. We taught him that he should instead say "Excuse me, Mommy." He learned quickly. He then began to walk into the kitchen, shove me as hard as he could with his elbow and say in an annoyingly rude tone, "EXCUSE ME, MOMMY!"
Lesson #5 Toddlers are sometimes just bossy little creatures. You can easily teach them the correct words to say. The proper attitude to accompany these words may take a little longer. Be patient. Be a good example in your own mannerisms.
While driving in the car with the radio playing Creedence Clearwater Revival's 'Bad Moon on the Rise', I noticed my son singing along, ".... there's a bathroom on the right." In case you are not familiar with CCR, the correct words are "... there's a bad moon on the rise."
Lesson #6 Always be aware of what your children are listening to. Talk with them about it. You never know what they actually hear.
One sunny afternoon my two sons, ages three and five at the time, asked if they could play under the water hose. I put them in their bathing suits, told them to be careful and not let the water run too long then sent them out the back door. I continued on with my household chores peeking out the window from time to time just to make sure everything was okay. It was. They were running, laughing, spraying each other and just having a good time in the cool water. I do not know at what point the boys lost their swim trunks. "How long had they been streaking around the back yard in all of their glory for the neighbors to see?" "Had I just not noticed on any previous glances out the window?" "Perhaps they had just taken them off and no one had yet noticed?" "Wait! Why had they taken their swim trunks off?" "Oh, they are just being little boys." "But is this what the neighbors would think?" "Oh, goodness! What do the neighbors think?" These thoughts and more raced through my mind in approximately a nanosecond before I grabbed the camera, took a quick shot for the grandparents, of course, then ran out and quietly urged them to put their swim trunks back on and leave them on.
Lesson #7 These incidents, no matter how potentially embarrassing, can be used to your advantage in later years. When my boys, who are now teens try to tell me that they can "go their own way" and "do their own thing" and that they do not need Mama watching over them, I simply remind them that I cannot even be sure that they will keep their pants on when they go into the backyard! And I have the pictures to prove it! Sure, children at some point have to be given freedom a little at a time so that they can learn and grow as individuals. But know where your children are and what they are doing at all times. They may not welcome it but they need your guidance. It is up to you to be certain they have it.
One evening after a long day at work, I was giving my two sons a bath. The house was a wreck. Supper dishes still on the table. And what else, but the door bells rings. I hurriedly got the boys out of the bath, wrapped a towel around each of them and raced to answer the door. There stood a pastor from a local church with his wife and two young girls. They were all smiling, dressed in their Sunday best and just wanted to invite our family to visit with their congregation. As my husband raced to pick up the house a bit, I held them at the door, politely thanking them for the invitation but explaining our attendance and involvement in our own church. Suddenly, as I noticed the wife giggle and the girls with their chins nearly touching the porch where they stood, I was petrified at the thought of looking down at my two sons who had walked up beside me to see who was at the door. From then on, I did not hear a word the pastor said as I finally brought myself to glance down at my sons. My fears were confirmed. My oldest son had no shame. No dignity. He had the towel, still around his back but with one corner in each hand and his arms outstretched. He hid nothing. I sheepishly called for my husband as I tried to inconspicuously wrap the towel back around my son. It took the pastor's wife finally stating "Well, I see you are busy. Perhaps we could come by and visit at another time." to ease the awkwardness of that moment.
Lesson #8 Call first.
Lesson #9 Do not bother to try to act too sanctimoniously. Children are quite transparent. In other words, I would have done well to have simply invited them into our messy home, excused myself to dress the boys then sat down for a friendly family visit.
My husband pulled up to a convenience store and asked my now 13 year old son; the jock, to go in and make a small purchase. He went into the store and after a few minutes came back out empty handed. His father asked, "Why didn't you get what I sent you in for?" My son replied, "I looked for it but they did not have any." My husband, double checking, asked, "Did you look good?" To which my son; the jock, replied while tugging at the front of his shirt, "Why, yes. Yes, I did look good."
Lesson #10 Confidence is becoming. Take every opportunity to let your children know that they are indeed, someone special.
Last but not least, is an experience which I did not personally encounter. This was relayed to me by another mom. She was in the kitchen boiling pork when her young son came down stairs and asked, "Mom! What is that awful smell?" He then proceeded, "I checked my underwear. It wasn't that!"
The Lesson? Perhaps it is because it was not my own cooking that was compared with a foul odor that could possibly be found in ones underwear that I cannot relate this to any specific lesson. Instead, I will just make this simple and direct point: Children are funny and bring a great deal of laughter to our lives. Enjoy them.
Children are a blessing. They are also a responsibility. Learn from them but guide them. Laugh with them and above all, love them.