by Carmel Brulez

Created on: October 12, 2009

Being a parent is very difficult anyway, especially when it is your first baby, without the added disadvantage of coping with bipolar depression. You have to get used to being constantly busy and attending to your baby's every need, changing its nappies, feeding it, making sure it gets naps and sleep whenever needed, washing it, cuddling it and keeping it warm. It is a full time 24 hour 7 day a week job. You need to be calm and sharp and a good coper to make a good mum.

If you have bipolar disorder and it is totally under control with the correct prescribed medicine and you are totally certain that it will not become unmanageable then maybe you can cope with a baby as well or even better than someone who does not have bipolar disorder. But if you are not sure it is being totally managed and perhaps will will flair up again in the future it will be very difficult for you to cope with looking after the baby properly plus the bipolar as well.

I have been a private therapist, life coach and relationship advisor for many years. As such I have listened to, supported and advised people with all manner of different emotional and mental issues and spoken to hundreds of people with forms of depression. They all cope with their different illnesses in different ways and to different extents depending on how logical and positive they are.

But there are other factors to be taken into consideration too. Such as how much help the mother has from her partner or family. If she has very good support from her family and loved ones then she can cope far easier than coping alone. Also, has the mother got a good home and enough money coming in? If not then this will make bringing up the baby very difficult. I would say that having insufficient money and nowhere to live is a far worse problem than having depression.

So, yes, having bipolar disorder might make your time as a mother more difficult and much harder, but if you go into this with a clear view of what you want and what you can manage and the resources you have available to you, whether this be a good doctor, lovely house, nice parents, money or understanding friends, you may well be able to not only cope, but be a very good mother too. The more problems you have, whether these are mental health issues, financial issues or lack of practical and emotional support, the more difficult being a mother is. But there again, who are we to assume that being a mother should be easy? I have known people with mental health issues make fantastic mothers and other people who have no problems at all make awful ones. Then you may have someone who has no mental health issues whatsoever but is irresponsible, immature or selfish. Such a person would make a terrible mother even if they had lots of support from people and lots of money.

If you are thinking of having a baby and you suffer from bipolar depression ask yourself if you have enough suport from family, friends, partner, housing and money. Ask yourself if your condition is totally under control. If the answers you get from these questions is positive then do not hesitate to have a baby. If the answers to any of these questions are negative then think twice and weigh it all up very carefully. The fact that you are considering whether or not it is a good idea, rather than just rushing into it, shows you are a cautious and serious person who will not take their responsibilities lightly, and this in itself means you would make a good mother.

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