by Amy Dunne

Created on: October 12, 2009

Abuse in lesbian relationships

Domestic violence is still something of a taboo subject. When asked what domestic violence is, most people would answer when a man hits his female partner. There is a reason why this is the case and this stereotype is prominent. Throughout history there have always been cases of men hitting and beating their wives. In some cultures this is still acceptable today. In recent years there has been a lot of work done to promote that domestic violence is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. No body has the right to hurt another person, whether because they are married to or guardian of someone.

Domestic abuse in gay relationships is something that is still not commonly thought about. I believe the reason for this is because it is only recently that gay relationships have started to become accepted in society. Previously gay people had to live lives of secrecy and silence. To be gay was not only a sin but also against the law. The punishments for being discovered were severe. If these relationships were not acknowledged, then domestic abuse certainly would not have been.

Today it is a slightly different story. With the legalisation of civil partnerships allowing for equal rights as those of heterosexual marriages, it is getting more difficult to ignore domestic abuse.

Domestic abuse amongst both lesbian and gay relationships does exist. It is not known to what extent. I have both friends who are gay and straight. I have very rarely come across domestic abuse within my straight friends relationships. I wish however, the same could be said for my gay friends.

I have known of five different lesbian relationships that have had some sort of domestic abuse present. Domestic abuse is not just physical abuse, it is also psychological and emotional abuse. In the lesbian relationships where abuse was present it was a mixture of all three types of abuse. Worryingly the physical abuse always seemed to be the less damaging of the three. Guilt was the most frequently used emotional abuse. Varying ways of control were the most psychological types of abuse.

It is difficult to understand the reasons behind domestic abuse, but the same can be said for all types of domestic abuse. The most prominent reason in most cases of domestic abuse appears to be control.

What is most worrying is the lack of help and advice that is available for gay people to access. Whether lesbian women or gay men, there are practically no resources available. It is vital that this changes. In the cases I know of it has come down to friends and members of the gay culture to intervene and stop the abuse. However, as is the case with most examples of domestic abuse the abuser is usually able to control the situation and the abused. So the reality of how many women are being abused by their partners and remaining silent is worrying.

It is so important that more research is actually done in regards to this. I know of five individual examples and I am just one person who is not really apart of the gay lifestyle or scene! Something needs to be done. Ignoring and pretending this problem does not exist is simply not acceptable.

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