by Silva Payne

Created on: October 11, 2009   Last Updated: October 25, 2009

In order to teach your teen to become a responsible adult, you need to have taught them to be a responsible child. Responsibility is not something that can be switched on once an individual reaches a certain age. It would be impossible to know exactly what age that might be for any child, so starting as early as possible is the only way to instill responsibility into your offspring.

How does a child, or a teenager, know what a responsible adult is? The behaviour has to be seen at home, and in their wider circle, for children to be aware of the difference between being responsible and irresponsible. Most teens are very astute at summing up other's behaviour, so if you are not acting responsibly as a parent, your teen will very quickly decide that your advice or your instructions are not worth following.

Perhaps we all need a little help in deciding what a "responsible adult" really is. We all make mistakes in life, and for many of us, a moment of irresponsibility many years ago could have resulted in the teen sitting opposite us today. One of the first things to establish about responsibility is that getting things wrong or making mistakes is not irresponsible by itself. Being responsible is admitting to those lapses of judgement and learning from them so that they are not repeated.

To be responsible, you need to look after yourself. Some teenagers may take this to mean that selfishness is OK, but as adults we know that is not the case at all. Responsibility includes being aware of how your actions effect others, and reducing that impact if it is negative or increasing it if it is positive. We are all responsible for ourselves, no matter what influences we have experienced in our lives. However, no man is an island, and we usually have some responsibility towards others in our immediate social environment; families, friends and neighbours all rely on us to be responsible in order for society to function smoothly.

Often with teens, the best way to show them the consequences of their behaviour is to make them experience it from the other side. There is little point doing this as a specific punishment as they will already be switching off to anything you have to say. Rather, if they have a tendency to play their music loud at night, you could play yours loud when you know they are trying to watch television. Then discuss the option of having headphones so that only the individual can hear the music.

If they continually borrow the car yet never replace the

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