by Robert A. Mclean

Created on: October 11, 2009

To provide a new perspective from which we can understand the major reasons people divorce requires us to envision three concepts; namely, love, hope and faith. We will use these concepts to define the strength or resilience of a marriage. Initially, upon the commencement of the marriage, those three concepts; love, hope and faith can be judged to be strong.

Obviously, upon the termination of a marriage, these concepts are very weak. We have just described a continuum along which these concepts started strong and then weakened, this can be termed the timeline of the marriage. Why have those three concepts been used to define the strength of a marriage? Well, let us examine each separately and define what they mean and what contributes to their presence and loss.

Love. Aside from being perhaps the most revered, misunderstood and abused word in the English language it is also the most powerful. Kingdoms have been lost and wars fought for love desired or vanquished. When we love someone consideration, selflessness, admiration, pride, and concern are all combined when expressing our feeling for that individual. There is a reciprocity, a give and take, we feel what we give and we receive it. This is very positive, negativity does not exist here. Unfortunately, over time and circumstance some negativity does creep in, there can be no avoiding this, and usually it can be tolerated. Like all tolerances however, there are limits and once negativity outweighs the positives love diminishes. There is still a possibility that it can once again be kept alive but unless both partners realize this they will fall out of love.

Hope. This is essential for happiness and thankfully mankind appears to have been blessed with a natural inclination to be hopeful. In order to thrive it has to be present. Hope relates to the future, it is to be optimistic of a positive outcome. All couples when exchanging vows anticipate a happy full life together, it is the very essence and symbolism of hope. It is kept alive throughout the marriage by actually seeing the concrete outcomes of accomplishments over time. What a couple hoped to have or do 3 years ago at the present time is done.Hope in the successful ongoing relationship is diminished when obstacles or difficulties identified are not solved or are ignored. One or both of the individuals begin to lose hope over time, without being addressed this leads to giving up hope.

Faith. Strength of faith is determined by belief. To believe in something require desire. When two people believe in the same thing it is reinforced. To believe in another person is to share their dreams, their hopes. When they lose, so do you and when they win so do you. To have faith in another person requires an investment of trust in their behaviour. Suddenly they do not behave the way you believed they would. Your faith is shaken, over time the pattern repeats itself. You have no faith in the other person. This means a lack of trust, and a lack of positive outcomes.

It is common to hear that a marriage resulted in divorce due to a lack of communication, or an infidelity, or for financial stressors or due to a form of abuse. This is only part of the story. The true reason is how those issues impact the love, hope and faith two people have for each other. Those three concepts form the cornerstone of marriage. When love turns to scorn, when hope is abandoned, and when faith is lost, divorce is final.

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