by Olivia Emisar

Created on: October 10, 2009   Last Updated: October 11, 2009

Strong marriages

A simple recipe for marriage is mutual respect and well deserved trust. If you have this, you can continue to build upon it based on your needs and shared lifestyle. For some of us a well placed sensed of humor, not taking everything in life too seriously, kindness, acceptance and shouldering our share of the responsibilities are additional items needed in this wonderful mix we call marriage.

Have you ever heard the phrase "It takes two to Tango?" Marriage is like an exciting Tango dance, it takes two willing people to follow, to lead and yes, to get out of the way so the other partner has room to move. Marriage is no different and it all starts with each individual's ability and willingness to follow, lead and get out of the way from time to time.

Leading requires communication and it must be open and truthful on both sides. Communication sets the path in which both of you will travel, if the path is clearly understood surprises will be few, and reaching your common goals will be a lot easier than a path that is peppered with debris in the form of lies, fantasies, intrusions, and omission.

While we are leading in honesty and decency we are achieving acceptance as we are, warts and all, while we accept our partner in the same manner. The sooner we live in reality, the easier life is for both of us. There is nothing worse than to wake up one morning and realize that we had loved the notion of what we thought it should be, not the reality of what it truly is.

Confrontation with the shock of reality may make us realize that we wasted years in a relationship in which we really never loved the person we married, just the notion of what we wanted it to be.

The notion of the "perfect" man or woman is not relegated to young people. Many older folks have resumed relationships with people they knew in high school after their spouses of 30 years had died. From personal observation, more often than not, it has been a huge disappointment after much trial and assumptions on both people's part. They wanted to rekindle their notion of earlier years and their perceptions of each other were highly tainted in rosy hues left over from fantasy days and youthful misconceptions.

Leading with established honesty is just a first step in this journey; the next step in leadership is to make a mutual decision to not allow the outside world to interfere in our relationship. This sounds simple, but only truly successful marriages are able to accomplish this, the others

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