by Jami Wright

Created on: October 09, 2009

When I asked my fiance how he got the courage to talk to me the first time he responded, 'I drank a six pack, put on a grin, strolled on up to you and said hello'. We had a good laugh on that one. If it was that easy I wouldn't be writing this article. The fact is that many men do struggle with first contact. It almost reinforces the 'Men are from Mars, Women from Venus' theory. We reside on the same planet, live and work side by side, and deal with the same problems; yet we struggle with communication and first impressions.

Part of the reason is because we put so much pressure on that first impression. Many believe you can't recover from a bad first impression (which is untrue - but a belief is hard to change). It's true you only get one shot of a first impression, but that doesn't mean you won't ever see the person again if you want to. That pressure coupled with the fear of rejection; makes talking to that special girl you like for the first time harder than necessary. Here are some simple little tricks to help you through 'first encounter'.

The Approach:

1. First prepare yourself mentally. If you are nervous about approaching that special girl you will look it. Your body language will give you away. Also prepare yourself for the chance of rejection. Once you do this you won't feel so nervous. It will make you more confident than you feel because you won't be disappointed if she says no.

2. Be confident. Know your self worth. You are a special individual and you have something to offer. Know what this is as you approach that special girl. Be careful about coming across too confident, this can be a turn off for women.

3. Be yourself. That can cover a lot. When you decide that you are going to approach that special girl don't use a cheesy pick up line. Show her the real you. Hiding behind things like pick up lines can make a bad impression. As well don't try to be funny with jokes unless that is your personality. I remind you of Chandler from Friends, everyone knew he used humor to cover up his nerves.

4. Be brave. Approach her on your own (leave your friends behind) but make the approach when she is separated from her friends. If you hide behind things like drinks, friends, humor, and pick up lines you can come across as cowardly or worse; you can let her know that she has the upper hand. That does not put you on an equal footing with that special girl.

The Contact:

1. Now that you have her alone, be sure to be yourself.

2. Let the conversation flow.

3. Listen to what she is saying and respond appropriately.

4. Be a gentleman.

The rest is up to you and her. If everything works out you will exchange numbers and see where the relationship will take you. If it doesn't know you did the best you could and the world will go on. There will be other girls and other chances to make that special connection.

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