by Kamryn Adams

Created on: October 08, 2009

Parenting, like most things, is a matter of personal preference. You can argue that one way is right and the other is wrong but rarely does a parent have the whole thing figured out without incident. Many of your friends will have different parenting styles than you do. You may consider them too strict. They may consider you too loosey goosey in your style. You spank. They use time-out. You discuss. They follow the "do as I say not as I do" philosophy. The list can go on for eternity. The most effective way to keep a strong friendship with someone with a different parenting style is to not involve the children in your friendship.

So many people make the mistake of assuming that because they like a person that the children (and spouses) need to be included in the relationship. Sometimes, it is better to simply develop a friendship that stands alone. Chances are if your children are being raised differently, they will not get along well together. A child that lacks disciple is often aggressive which can be a problem for the other child. A child that is allowed to watch and listen to adult content may inadvertently teach your child things you aren't ready for them to know. It's just a mess! However, if you keep your friendship between the two of you, then you eliminate the tension of your differences.

For example, you don't like that your friend is still nursing her "baby" at age three. Quite frankly, you find it unhealthy and downright weird. However, she is convinced that it is the healthiest choice for her children to nurse them for as long as she has milk. Every time you see her three and half foot son climb into her lap, lift her shirt, and unhook her bra, you cringe. She gets offended. If you make a general rule to have "friend time" together without children then you will avoid this issue and many others.

Suppose you can't find that "me" time to hang with friends. This is probably a common issue with most parents. Here are a few of things you can do:

Wrap your friend time into a planned activity for the children-Children's shows, the circus, and story time programs are usually good places for the two of you to catch up and the children to be occupied without interacting with one another.

Meet during school hours-If your children are school-age, meet up for coffee or lunch during school hours. This usually eliminates any display of parenting style because the kids are not with you.

Include other people-More than likely, you have other friends that have similar parenting styles to your own. Stop the one on one friend time and include others. This way, your focus on parenting style differences will be less apparent because you will have more people to hold your attention.

If none of these strategies work, then you'll have to resolve your judgment and make a deliberate decision to ignore your friend's parenting style. Focus on your children and allow her to make her own decisions about how to raise her. That's what friends are for!

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