by Siobhan Watts

Created on: October 08, 2009

OK, I'll say it, I'm out and proud I believe that discipline in raising happy well adjusted kids is important actually vital! I do not believe that there is any similarity between the two, they are polar opposites. Abuse breeds fear discipline breeds respect of self and others. Discipline is not about stifling or controlling a child nor is it about venting your anger and frustrations on them, as such never discipline in anger, it should never have escalated to that point, if it has it's your fault! Thats right, yours. Not the child's, your in-laws for letting them have too much chocolate, your spouse for letting them stay up to late or the schools for keeping them late. It's yours, you strike your child or scream at them in anger, its abuse and YOU have lost control of yourself and the situation.

Other aspects of abuse as opposed to discipline are name calling, swearing at the child, belittling their efforts or intelligence or disregarding their feelings. Discipline on the other hand is preventing, guiding, redirecting, enforcing and most of all supporting and loving. However, it has to be age appropriate, your toddler won't understand, don't touch the stove honey, it's hot and will burn you. He will look at you and do it anyway. He will understand a firm no or a loud AHA or failing that a loud clap of the hands or a bang on the table. This will enforce the fact that when he goes to the stove something loud and unpleasant happens, cause and effect consequences of behaviour.

However, because the stove is dangerous like the road or the knife drawer or climbing on the furniture, a more direct method might be needed for the persistent offender and that would, I'm afraid, be a swat on the butt. Always the butt never the hand, arm, legs or face (never the face) the butt is protected by a nappy (diaper) and makes more noise than pain. That is not abuse, you are preventing your child doing something potentially far more painful or even fatal than a swift smack. However, you do it more than once, do it in anger or scream, restrain the child hard by the arm or shove the child then thats abuse. When your toddler cries after you have stopped (thwarted) him, and he will, because you have denied him his holy grail, you must hug him and take him off to do something nice like look at the garden or play with a toy. After that a firm no should suffice. That is discipline, it is coming from a loving place, showing boundaries and guidance and reassuring that your child is loved

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