by Jami Wright

Created on: October 08, 2009   Last Updated: October 09, 2009

Fear of commitment often comes down to one simple word: 'hurt'. Some men have a hard time committing to a relationship because they are afraid of being hurt. This fear, often unfounded and tested by them, causes them to sit on the sidelines and watch the game of life play out in front of them. What they don't rationalize is that never knowing love and the pain that comes along with it can be even more painful and damaging. They don't realize that loneliness is a far worse emotion than 'hurt'. Hurt you can get over; loneliness can cause absence of life.

A man that is afraid of commitment because they don't want to repeat the mistakes of their parents is a perfect example of losing out on opportunity. In their mind they have rationalized that 'sins of the father' will repeat themselves. Perhaps he watched his parents fight all the time, or he saw his father hit his mother (and doesn't want to do that to anyone himself.) Maybe he witnessed a loveless marriage, one where his parents stayed together for the children and rationalizes that loneliness is better than purposely hurting another person because he is not happy with her. This man needs to realize that every person is unique and that he does not have to be his father - this realization can break the cycle.

Another common fear is of the unknown. This man has never been in a serious relationship and doesn't know the first thing about making a relationship work. Many times he doesn't realize this until he meets the person he wants to have a serious relationship with. Now what does he do? If he is not one to ask for directions to a store, he is not one to ask for directions in life.

Men have, throughout history, been the one that people look to be the savior. Because of this societal expectation and genetic predisposition they are deathly afraid of failure. A man cannot provide for his family if he fails. Failure is an honest fear because failure comes along with success. You cannot truly have one without the other. This man asks himself 'how many relationships has he had that were successful' - the answer is likely none of the intimate relationships because he is currently single. Too many failures can make a man give up - but this man is easier to fix than a man who won't play the game at all. At least the one who has tried and failed has the desire to succeed.

The man who has low expectations of himself, finds it hard to commit because of the fear that she will have high expectations. Perhaps this is a good thing. Men with low expectations don't have a plan or purpose. Their drive has not developed or has been destroyed. If this man were honest he would face to the fact he is not ready for a relationship. A woman who gets involved with a man who is not ready is facing an uphill battle (but sometimes they can find a diamond in the bunch.)

For all the strength men try to portray they are only human and have emotions too. It is what makes us unique in the world. While these fears are often internalized and hidden from the world, to the man who won't commit, they exist. For him; sometimes outside help from a professional or a friend will help him get back in the game.

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