by Robert A. Mclean

Created on: October 08, 2009   Last Updated: October 09, 2009

The friends with benefits relationship is certainly not a new form of interaction between men and women although its prevalence suggests a shift in societal dynamics. The societal changes that have contributed to the popularity of this form of relationship are the rise in the divorce rates and the resulting increase of people in their 30's and 40's in non-committed relationships as well as the decline of the moral influence of religion and the demands of everyday living in a society that values instant gratification. These conditions are broad influences and are independent of individual preferences, such as an avoidance to enter into another committed relationship; but taken together, they form the dynamics that give rise to such arrangements.

As with every arrangement and interaction between individuals, boundaries are necessary to define the roles in order for the arrangement to continue smoothly. These boundaries are set upfront and are structured to ensure that the relationship serves its purpose with a minimal percent of emotional grief. Suggested rules and boundaries for a successful friends with benefits relationship should include the following:

An acknowledgement that we are only here for the sex. The niceties of a normal romantic relationship will be diminished. Don't expect flowers, don't expect dinner prepared when you come by.

Avoid discussing areas of your personnel life that may give the impression that you need them. Also do not be overly supportive to them emotionally nor financially. Remember you like them and you enjoy the sex. That's all.

Immediately counter or decline any suggestion of a normal date. Dating is something you do with someone you may be romantically interested in. If that appears cold it is meant to be, remember, you already know that this is not going anywhere except the bedroom.

Do not discuss anything that you may regret latter. As with all relationships there is a risk of compromise. Your bed-buddy today just may be the window breaking tire-slashing psycho-chicken of tomorrow.

Keep your liaisons with the same person to no greater than once every two weeks. That should be enough to ensure emotional distance and at the same time provide a good time-frame to work the kinks out.

If you feel that the other person is beginning to lose their perspective on the intentions of the relationship, end it quickly with tact and some compassion, after all, they have shared an intimate part of their-selves with you, although the emotional intent may not have been there, physically they were.

Friends with benefits rarely progress because it is a relationship based solely on sex. The chances are also good that the female will be the one who may eventually want more. The reason is mostly psychological. They are the nurturers who emotionally equate sex as an expression of feeling. It is harder for them to separate that from just sex for pleasure. They may start out fine but as time goes on it begins to blur. Finally and humorously, for the individuals who are in a so-called committed relationship and may be thinking of a little something on the side, you may find it a great deal like your marriage, lacking in love and romance, the very things that caused you to stray.

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