by Alexus Mckeon

Created on: October 07, 2009

How you deal with death...

The title for this article is missing the word do. How DO you deal with death? You DON'T! I can still hear your laughter. I can still see every detail of your face. if your voice were to call out to me through a maddening crowd, I would immediately recognize it. Your death has brought about my own! I have no desire for anything this so called life has to offer since you have been gone. You cannot fight with God though as you will lose. Our last words spoken in anger. That is the thing that I cannot shake from memory.

I deal with your death by picking up a pen. Writing word after meaningless word in the hopes that it will bring a sense of peace and resolve.It never does though. The rage that I feel can move, pick up and throw mountains! The only thing left now? A lack of passion that is missing from brazen, bold, fired up words. My hands still wrap my head when tears still explode on the scene at the thought of you. It is physical too. My heart l literally hurts and aches when I get lost or consumed in thoughts of you.

HOW IN THE HELL DO I MOVE ON! HOW? I am so angry at you for leaving. I hate when something great is going on and I look for you first to share it with only to remember that you are gone. Every so often when I do get lost in a moment of laughter, peace and pure enjoyment, I could swear I hear your voice in my head at this time as if you are sharing the moment with me.

I remember calling the phone for your voicemail and leaving you message after message. That this was all some sick ass joke and you weren't really gone! In writing these words to you tears are streaming down my face as I yell at you through this keyboard. There is that ache and longing I cannot fill. There is a hatred because even though you are not here to say it I know that you are truly sorry for this. Why did I have to be the one to bear this? I think you would of done a better job at being left here! I cannot bury your memory as your body has been...Also I cannot move on! I LOVE YOU!

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