Some children do not have both parents, for various reasons. Some children are involved in a legal custody battle. These are often viewed as a negative things for the child to experience but what about those who do have a relationship with both of their parents but are negatively affected by the relationship their parents have as a unit? It happens all of the time. With adoptive parents, foster parents, legal guardians and step-parents, there is no difference. The relationship between father and mother affects children. Here's how:
Children learn how to speak from their parents. They observe the way their parents interact with one another. Children also observe the way their parents speak about each other, especially when it is spoken to the actual child. They also observe how other people relate to and react to their parents just as well.
When the communication between father and other is not edifying, they become at war with each other, one having to be good and right and the other, bad and wrong. All the while, they are supposed to be a team. The child is a witness to this and perceives it. Every child is a unique individual and will respond based on many factors, including their type of personality. Either way, the child may feel a need to choose a side or lose. They feel a desire to protect the parent who is attacked verbally, the underdog or to prove correct the parent who has the strongest argument, who will carry them to victory. The child may also have or develop a desire to please people; they do not know where they fit into parent's arguments but want to make everyone happy and prevent the wrath being turned onto themselves.
The scenario that I have just presented is one that is a common occurrence in many households. I have explained how the communication between two parents can affect their children in a negative way. Yet, when the parents use positive words and communicate to understand rather than to fight or be the one who is right and when the two parents keep in perspective that they are a united front who absolutely must hold each other up if they want to stay up and stay together and when they realize the role that they play in their child(ren)'s learning process in regard to speech and communication, it has the opposite effect than what was shown above.
The impact of their parents' relationship also hits a child when it comes to their own relationships with their parents, both individually and as a unit. How can a child not learn to use derogatory terms to describe a parent when their other parent uses those words describing them that way, their own spouse? Even if the child never uses the same language, it's somewhere in their mind! Why would a child trust a parent and go to enjoy a spontaneous breakfast with them at a restaurant when their other parent is constantly speaking of their own negative attitude toward, lack of trust with, and disinterest in that parent, their own spouse? A child knows that their parents knew each other before they knew their parents. Therefore, children will always pick up cues from their parents on how to feel about and relate to them. Parents can either send out cues of respect or cues of dishonor.
A person's relation to with the other gender is often linked to their relationship with their own parent of that gender. A child may choose to associate with people like that parent or inadvertently gravitate toward them. A child may purposely be attracted to a person who has similar characteristics as their parent of that gender or subconsciously try to avoid people who remind them of that parent. Children decide for themselves if they want to pursue a relationship like the one of their parents or not and children also fall into relationships like their parents without giving it much thought at all. It's what they're used to. They follow the patterns that were placed in and around them up to this point in their lives. This is how a lot of women say, "I married my father!" It is not just when it comes to relating to dating and marriage, either because some children also choose all of their other friends in the very same manner!
Lastly, the relationship between a person's mother and father impacts them in regard to their own self-image. We associate ourselves with our parents and they were our first role models. Biologically, we are very close to them. We may even share mannerisms and pick up habits, both the good and bad. What we also share with our parents, which is most significant, is life and family. How can a person be satisfied with their life and where they came from if their parents are not happy with each other? Some parents stay together solely for the children. The children can tell. Many feel like obstacles or worse yet, like accidents. Parents showing love, even just on a general and civil brotherly love level, can do a lot for a child who sees themselves and their life role through the example of their parents.
Parents, as the ones who brought their children into the word, have a significant role in their children's lives. One big way that they impact their children is through their relationship with each other.