by Christina Bernice Butler

Created on: October 07, 2009   Last Updated: November 03, 2010

Some children do not have both parents, for various reasons. Some children are involved in a legal custody battle. These are often viewed as a negative things for the child to experience but what about those who do have a relationship with both of their parents but are negatively affected by the relationship their parents have as a unit? It happens all of the time. With adoptive parents, foster parents, legal guardians and step-parents, there is no difference. The relationship between father and mother affects children. Here's how:

Children learn how to speak from their parents. They observe the way their parents interact with one another. Children also observe the way their parents speak about each other, especially when it is spoken to the actual child. They also observe how other people relate to and react to their parents just as well.

When the communication between father and other is not edifying, they become at war with each other, one having to be good and right and the other, bad and wrong. All the while, they are supposed to be a team. The child is a witness to this and perceives it. Every child is a unique individual and will respond based on many factors, including their type of personality. Either way, the child may feel a need to choose a side or lose. They feel a desire to protect the parent who is attacked verbally, the underdog or to prove correct the parent who has the strongest argument, who will carry them to victory. The child may also have or develop a desire to please people; they do not know where they fit into parent's arguments but want to make everyone happy and prevent the wrath being turned onto themselves.

The scenario that I have just presented is one that is a common occurrence in many households. I have explained how the communication between two parents can affect their children in a negative way. Yet, when the parents use positive words and communicate to understand rather than to fight or be the one who is right and when the two parents keep in perspective that they are a united front who absolutely must hold each other up if they want to stay up and stay together and when they realize the role that they play in their child(ren)'s learning process in regard to speech and communication, it has the opposite effect than what was shown above.

The impact of their parents' relationship also hits a child when it comes to their own relationships with their parents, both individually and as a unit. How can a child not learn to use

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