by Kimberly David

Created on: October 06, 2009

Have you ever heard the phrase, "Human: one mouth, two ears; use proportionately"? Why is it that this is so difficult for most of us to do and really, why does it even matter? What makes listening so important anyway? Think with me for a minute. What is the most universal way to irritate or annoy another person? I would claim the answer is not listening.

Think about it. Some people can blow off being yelled at. Others are rather immune to being mocked and laughed at. But all people sooner or later would be deeply troubled if they are simply ignored. If a person is yelled at or mocked at least they evoked some reaction. Not listening to or ignoring someone is no action, no reaction. Over an extended period, not listening to someone suggests their ideas or they themselves are not worth a response. That is one of the most hurtful disrespects of all.

So what is it about listening that makes it so important? I think that its multifaceted nature is the biggest thing that makes listening so crucial. Talking or other verbal communication has one purpose: to convey my thoughts and feelings to you. But listening has many purposes.

On the most shallow level, listening allows for others to contribute something to an interaction. If people don't listen to others there is no communication. When an individual is unwilling to stop talking long enough to pause and let someone else interject their ideas the interaction ceases to be a conversation. Listening provides the distinction between a monologue and a conversation.

A second purpose of listening is to gather information. Consider a college class lecture. The teacher is required to stand up there and talk to the class, but his job is only partially fulfilled with his speaking. He is paid to communicate information which can only be fulfilled if he is communicating and the students are comprehending. This is impossible without listening skills.

One of the most significant purposes of listening is to show respect for the speaker. I believe the main reason everyone resents being ignored is that at its basest level, this treatment shows a lack of respect. If you respect someone you will give heed to them and what they have to say. Without respect there is no need to pay them any attention. Therefore, not listening sends the message that you don't respect that individual.

Speaking and listening go hand in hand for every day communication. Without both the system would fail. But each person must be willing to give both. There is a time to speak, but there is also a time to listen. Let's remember to give each of our ears a fair chance. Remember, we have "One mouth, two ears; use proportionately."

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