by Evelyn Blaken

Created on: October 06, 2009   Last Updated: October 15, 2009

If not me...

I dream of a world that is free from acts that are cruel, destructive and immoral. I dream of a world run by love and unity. Yet it seems the nature of so many goes against my beliefs, instead of love, people are driven by greed and ignorance. Other times I know their actions come from poor education or lack of knowledge of the impact of what they do, or even from not knowing what they can do to change, from not believing that one person can make a difference.

I see this because my eyes are open. I see the injustices that are happening every day around me. I am not proud of my knowledge of these things, yet I feel so helpless to change things, what can one person do?

The overwhelming nature of what should be done makes it much easier for me to choose to do nothing, to stay quiet and concentrate on my own small world, turning my thoughts away from what I don't want to hear, see or feel. Turning my thoughts away from the bigger picture...that my kind may actually damage the world beyond repair... leaving a death sentence for my children's children. These thoughts are too much to bear, so instead I choose to ignore them... and for a short time ignorance is bliss.

But late at night I cannot help question myself and question my existence. For if I am not part of the world then why am I here at all? How can I shut myself off in the bubble I have created...my life...so detached from the world... so detached from the earth, air and water and the people and animals who need help.

Should I choose to live with my knowledge and do nothing? Accept things as they are and watch the earth and humanity slowly die? Or should I stand up for what I know is the right thing to do, for what my heart tells me it is the right thing to do? Can I be brave enough to stand up and be counted in the fight for a better world?

My mind fills with self doubt and I worry again. The task seems far too big for me to undertake, perhaps I should leave it to somebody else to take responsibility... surely they will do a better job than I?

Slowly I take a breath and let the panic subside. I understand myself more than I realise, it is not fear of what must be done that holds me back, but fear of failing to be able to do what needs to be done. I never thought of myself as weak before, its not nice to see the cracks in my courage, but I understand and I forgive myself for being human.

I take another breath and tell myself to answer four basic questions, that's all I need to do. They are questions I have asked myself many times, both consciously and subconsciously, for as long as I can remember...

When the world is in peril, who will try to save it if not me?

When those who do not have a voice are suffering, who will speak out if not me?

When the animals of the world are needlessly dying, who will defend them if not me?

When the people of the world are unable to stand up for themselves, who will protect them if not me?

Questions so simple yet so hard, how can I do what needs to be done? Should I do what needs to be done? Will I do what needs to be done? Dare I do what needs to be done when its so much easier to do what is easy to do?

Breathe. I ask myself again my four basic questions...

When the world is in peril who will try to save it if not me?

When those who do not have a voice are suffering, who will speak out if not me?

When the animals of the world are needlessly dying, who will defend them if not me?

When the people of the world are unable to stand up for themselves, who will protect them if not me?

My answers become clearer and a weight lifts from my heart as I acknowledge the truth I knew all along. My resolution is made and it was easier than I thought after all...

I can....I want to... I will...

...I must!

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