by Kristen Trueblood

Created on: October 05, 2009   Last Updated: October 11, 2009

But I don't want to go to the ER. I don't need to go to the ER. Just because I haven't eaten or had anything to drink in over 24 hours doesn't mean I need to go to the ER. There's a Taco Bell across the street!

When you are being badgered by an entourage of people (three firefighters, two paramedics, a King Soopers manager, two cashiers, a bag boy, a police officer, and your friend to be exact), it's hard to say no. And that gurney did look pretty comfy.

Alright. Fine. I'll go. But YOU'RE driving Mr. Peramedic. (He laughed and said, "Duh!")

I'm all strapped in, bolted to the floor, and ready for action. On the way to the glorious ER room, I get poked, prodded, stuck, and disheveled. "We have to draw blood and get water IV in you."

Yay...

They poke me some more, with an IV that should only be used on elephants. Now, if you've never been to the ER for dehydration, don't. The don't use a small IV needle. They use one three times it's size. No joke. Ask the paramedic. I can literally feel the ice water hitting my blood system. No fun. In the other arm, they stick a tube in me to draw blood. Five vials of my blood. I feel dizzier than before I fainted on the King Soopers linoleum. "We're here. Hold these." He hands me my blood.

I roll into the ER with an IV in one arm, five vials of my own blood in one hand, and two very cute paramedics pushing me. I wave with a grin on my face. "Who wants to be my nurse?!"

"Ok, you can scoot onto the bed."

"But... I'm ill. I think you need to lift me onto it." They laugh and quickly oblige me. A nurse walks into the room, not knowing what crazed maniac with her own blood has gotten into. They check my temp, my blood, my blood pressure, my heart rate, my lungs, my pee, my ears, my eyes, and my mouth.

"You're dehydrated." No kidding. You're one hell of a detective.

They begin to take my shirt and bra off, only to realize that I have an elephant's IV still in my arm. Underneath my hospital gown I now have a black, lacy, Victoria Secret tail. The secret is out. They did let me keep my pants on, which was good, because it started getting cold. Not only is it always 40 degrees in a hospital, but they are pumping 35 degree water through my veins. It's quickly turning into Antarctica in my room.

"I have to pee." This should be fun. My nurse comes back, and we both tango around the room as we try to get me out of bed without disturbing my IV line, getting my IV bag onto a mobile poll, getting my gown closed in the back, and trying to figure

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