by Michael Jiadski

Created on: October 05, 2009

There are a great many reasons to carve pumpkins. Fun, in the case of Halloween; profit, if you're a manufacturer of fine, gourd-based bird feeders; utility if you find yourself lost in a vast pumpkin patch with nothing in which to collect drinking water; and the list goes on! I, myself, spent October of 1985 carving pumpkins with a radical message of Trick-or-Treat reform banning peanut M&M's. I was political back then. Passionately political... But that's another article and another night with nothing on TV.

You are most likely carving pumpkins for fun. Jack-o-Lanterns, named for Jonathan O'Lanolan Lantern, inventor of the lantern and manufacturer of the short-lived pumpkin-housed light of the 1780's, are a great way to pass time with the youngsters, a fine source of raw pumpkin seeds for baking, and a generous way to decorate your home for Halloween with teenage pumpkin thieves in mind.

Step one is pumpkin selection. This is a matter of availability, cost, and personal preference. If you're on a budget, go with a smaller pumpkin. Keep in mind that the smallest pumpkins - Venezuelan Golfing Pumpkins - are very difficult to carve with any detail, and are restricted to designs resembling Pac-Man. However, if you're out to deter thieving teenagers, terrify the local children, or set a neighborhood record, go for the largest pumpkin you can find and hide out inside it on Halloween. You'll need to remember to leave room for the essentials - thermos, lawn chair, small television, what have you. Personally, I prefer pumpkins a little larger than a basketball for their portability, cost, and resemblance to large, round human heads. Something about a slightly bulbous face glowing menacingly just makes me chuckle.

Step two: mucking out. This is where the fun truly begins. Using extreme caution and a sharp knife long enough to completely penetrate the pumpkin's thickness, make a gaping hole in your pumpkin. Tradition dictates that you cut out the top, but if you do this, you start to encroach on face space. I like to cut out the bottom so my light source can sit on the nice, level ground. These are just two possible muck-hole locations; you might consider doing a Frankengourd design and cutting a chunk out of the side and then stapling it in place later. Just remember that if you take the high road and cut out the top, you need to keep your knife pointed inward so the the lid comes out and goes back in in a way that it won't fall on your candle. I don't believe pumpkins

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