by Kenneth Gregory Smith

Created on: October 05, 2009

Christian counselors-that is professionally trained and licensed counselors who seek to integrate Biblical faith with secular principles of psychology-can bring a unique and helpful perspective to a couple seeking assistance with their marriage.

First of all, the Biblical purpose of marriage is "oneness." Jesus said "and the two will become one flesh, so they are no longer two, but one." The description that best fits the concept of oneness is "unity in diversity." Two people of differing personalities, gifts, strengths, and weaknesses choose to love each other for a comon purpose. A word picture (admittedly one that may speak more to men than women!) that depicts oneness is that of a sports team. Players on the team have different physical attributes, talents, and backgrounds but are trained to work as one for the team. When children are born to a couple that has not achieved oneness, the children are at risk to be negatively affected. Therefore, one of the primary tasks of the Christian marraige counselor is to investigate how and why the couple's oneness has broken down. What keeps them from working together?

Another crucial issue from a Christian perspective is that of love. In Biblical terms, love is not a feeling or conditional behavior (i.e. I'll love you only if you love me"), but a choice and an action that often involves sacrifice. Jesus commands His followers to love one another and to seek the good of another, i.e. "love your neighbor as yourself." Thus the Christian counselor should probe as to how the spouse's view love and are practicing love.

Forgiveness is an issue to which Christian faith speaks prominently. Jesus told His apostle Peter to forgive "70 times 7." The Christian counselor should challenge the couple as to if they are holding grudges toward each other or using the past to instill guilt or to manipulate each other.

An always controversial, but inevitable, topic in any marriage counseling is power. Is power shared or does one spouse hold more power in an way that is detrimental to the relationship? Ephesians 5:22 says, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord." That verse has been misused by men to justify abuse and domination over their spouse. Men who do that conveniently forget to read the verses in the same chapter of Ephesians that says "Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church" and "each man must love his wife as he loves himself." The man is not to in any way lord it over his wife, but to care for, nurture, and act for the wife's good. So the Christian counselor must evaluate how the couple is sharing power.

Professionally trained and licensed Christian counselors can offer great help to couples seeking a better marital relationship for the above issues as well as other issues.

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