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If you have a child, through blood, adoption or marriage, a life long bond is made. This doesn't end just because your child hits some magical age. It does change just as every milestone changed the child and what they needed from you.

You can let go so they can live their own life without giving up being their parent. If your five-year-old fell down and need you to clean the scrape you would be there. You would make it better. You would wait for the ten year old to ask for help but again you would fix it. By twelve, you were there while the child put cream on the wound itself. And the adult may call you to ask which cream is best, and you would be there to answer.

You have to balance and change being a parent just as they have to find a balance in their adulthood. It is hard to know when to let them fall and when to pick them up. You cannot always bail out your child, but when they are ready for your help, you need to be there.

How can you know when they really need you to be a parent? You will see that they are trying to do the right things. Say the child has a drug habit; they lose their job, and then enter rehab. This is the point where you offer your parent side. You do not judge but offer support when it is time for them to leave rehab. In addition, you stay in that parent mode until you see that they do not need or do not want your help.

There will be times when you will have to stand back and watch them fall. They will never learn to stand on their own with out a few bruises. However, you do not stop being their parent.

You do not have to know every move your thirty-year-old makes in his or her day, but calling a couple of times a week to remind them that they are in your thoughts is fine. You do not have to be in their face to be there for them.

If you know they were laid off and school is coming, it is a great gesture to buy a school outfit for each of the grandkids. You do not have to make it into a big deal. It's just because Grandma is so proud of you kids.

Advise when you are asked instead of every time they stumble, and you are still a parent. Quietly lend a hand when you see a hand, and you are still a parent. Part of being a parent is letting go, but you are still very much a parent.

Learn more about this author, Tammy Sandeen.
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