by Yzzy Quarker

Created on: October 03, 2009   Last Updated: October 09, 2010

Carpe Jugulum takes place in the mountains, in the cliff-side village of Lancre on Terry Pratchett’s Discworld, which goes through space on the back of four huge elephants standing on the back of a turtle that is as big as the world, certainly as big as Discworld. The story tells of events surrounding the naming ceremony for the first child of the king and queen of Lancre, Verence and Magrat. It sounds simple unless you are familiar with Pratchett, who has a wonderful way with ideas and is a master tale twister.

You know it is a different sort of vampire story when on page 4 we are asked how vampires have so much power, why they are always so stupid wearing evening dress all day and spelling their name backward does not fool anyone.

The trouble starts when a forward-thinking but slightly misguided King Verence and his new wife and ex-witch, Queen Magrat, invite vampires to the castle for the naming ceremony.  Both King Verence and Count Magpyre have in common that they want their families to embrace the new and innovative. King Verence wants to use modern plumbing, farming, and husbandry methods, and get involved in world politics; Count Magpyre wants to mainstream his children by teaching them to recognize every religious symbol, eat garlic, drink wine, cross over running water, and spell it “vampyre” not “vampire.” Oh, and only drink the blood of those youth chosen in the lottery to be fair to the prey, er, people.

Trouble deepens when Granny’s invitation gets stolen by magpies. Granny flies off to the moors to get away from it all, as the well-respected Magpyre family of Uberwald rides into town.

During the party before the actual naming ceremony, Nanny Ogg and Agnes Nitt, two of the three witches in the coven in Lancre, have a conversation with the vampires in which blood-sucking is spoken of as though it was commonplace and thoroughly acceptable. The only one to hear what is really being said is Perdita, the voice in Agnes’ head, whose horrified screaming motivates Agnes to get her friends away from the Magpyres to regroup.

Nanny Ogg, who looks like a happy apple left in the sun too long, is a witch worth her weight in wiliness.  She leads Agnes and Magrat, with the baby, to find Granny; Granny, who has never been beaten by anyone at anything; Granny, who tells the other witches that she felt the Count enter town, and states emphatically that she cannot beat him. Disheartened but with the courage of their convictions, Nanny Ogg, Agnes Nitt, and future Queen Magrat, with the still unnamed baby bundled against her chest, leave to face down the vampires, er, vampyres, and make them leave Lancre.

But never underestimate Granny Weatherwax. Through the machinations of Granny Weatherwax, her best friend Nanny Ogg, Agnes Nitt, the queen, many pictsies and their Kelda, an enchanted toad lawyer, a disgruntled Igor, a conflicted Omnian priest, a falconer, and a phoenix, this story is a rollicking ride. You will laugh out loud, you will be thoughtful, but most of all you will really enjoy a caper with the Lancre witches.

P.S. You can read more about the pictsies, better known as the Nac Mac Feegle, in the Tiffany Aching trilogy. There is a rumor they were kicked out of Fairyland for stealing, drinking, and fighting. Much of this book gives credence to the rumor.

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