by J Mock

Created on: October 02, 2009   Last Updated: May 08, 2010

The science-fiction drama 'Doctor Who' has reclaimed its position as a television favourite in the 21st century. Reborn under Christopher Eccleston in 2005, then mastered by David Tennant from 2005-10, the 'Doctor'  has now been regenerated into a youthful Matt Smith.

With looks belying his real age of 903 - this could have something to do with his having two hearts - the Timelord from Gallifrey crosses time and space in his faithful TARDIS; a blue police box dating from the 1950s.

There are a few plausible tactics, that if employed, would surely annoy the Doctor and result in a person, or persons, being thrown out of the TARDIS.

1 - Update the exterior of the TARDIS. Comment on the look being 'so last week' and repaint the police box. Bright garish colours, and even a couple of hanging baskets either side of the door.

2 - Re-decorate the inside of the TARDIS. Add a lick of paint, hang a few pictures around, move in an armchair and insert a mini-bar and fridge.

3 - Invite the Daleks to a house-warming party, to celebrate your first day as the new side-kick.

4 - Open the TARDIS as a museum, and offer a guided tour, with of course, an entrance fee.

5 - Install a portaloo, for those mid-flight emergencies.

6 - Keep asking who is 'Rose?'

7 - Keep telling the joke 'Knock, Knock!. Who's there? Doctor. Doctor Who?'

8 - 'Accidently' leaving wedding magazines lying all over the place. A subtle hint towards commitment.

9 - Start selling 'Doctor Who' merchandise at every port of call. Set up a stall wherever the TARDIS lands, offering t-shirts, mugs and key-rings.

10 - Keep commenting on how the previous Doctor was far better looking, with more class and style.

11 - Ask him if he minds stopping at the shops to pick up some groceries for family members, every week.

12 - Put a for-sale sign on the TARDIS reading 'Antique phone-box, one owner (technically), high-mileage, will deliver.'

13 - Pawn his sonic screwdriver.

14 - At every new planet, take one look and comment that it looks a bit boring, and then ask to move on to somewhere else.

15 - Tell him you swapped the TARDIS for a sporty convertible.

16 - Tell him that you've invited your parents over for a week, and you didn't think he'd object.

17 - Tell the Doctor that you invited 'The Master' over for a meal, to settle their differences.

18 - Offer 'free flights' to all of your friends, courtesy of TARDIS Airways and their pilot 'Captain Jack.'

19 - Insist on being called 'Rose' and only answer if he calls you by that name.

20 - Insist on taking pictures of everything and every place visited, then compile a slide-show for the Doctor to watch the 'holiday snaps.'

21 - Complain about everything and anything.

22 - Comment on how you would have 'saved the Earth' in a far superior manner, every time.

23 - Shriek 'Is there a Doctor in the house?' whenever you come across an injured party.

24 - Keep asking for his 'medical' advice for treating family ailments.

25 - Ask him for the Lottery numbers each week.

Twenty-five reasons to be thrown from the TARDIS, no matter where, or when, you are. Would you be prepared for London in 1357, or New York in 2271?

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