by Steve Whitmer

Created on: October 02, 2009   Last Updated: October 07, 2009

The birth of a child thrusts a man through a previously invisible door, on the other side of which exists such things as restrooms with diaper changing stations, diaper aisles in grocery stores, and breast milk pumps (who would have thought?). On the fatherhood side of the door you can see what is on the other side, but those men that you left behind can see nothing of what you have discovered.

Imagine blank stares as you describe waking up several times a night to a crying baby. Or trying to describe to a friend how cute it was when your daughter fell asleep with a fork in midair during dinner. You have left behind not only many friends, but you have morphed into a new being-a father. Internally, structures have changed, appeared, or disappeared. Externally, expectations have shifted and realigned with a new and more dynamic universe. This new being cannot survive for long unless a final change takes place-selfish man must transform willingly to selfless man.

Selfish man could survive on very little. Even as a husband he knew that the two of them could pull together and make anything work. Suddenly selfless man must be willing to support the whole unit independently. Wife-becoming-mother requires too much time and energy as mother to incorporate her into the survival equation. It is all on him, and he must pull it together! It is a nice idea to think that they could both work, use daycare, spend a few hours together as a family, and somehow be a successful and well adjusted group of individuals, but the truth is all around that this is not the best recipe for success.

Selfish man expects those around him to accept him for who he is. He can do whatever he wants, when he wants. Selfless man has many who depend on him. He must live to the highest standards. Everything he does is a pattern that a new live will follow-the good, the bad, the great, and the horrible.

Selfish man cares little if those around him drink, smoke, swear, or live recklessly. Selfless man is personally offended when someone swerves into his lane while he drives his family. Selfless man avoids exposing his children to those who smoke, drink excessively, or swear. Selfless man gets upset by billboards and magazines that appeal to base desires, and the effect that they have on his children's self perception.

Fatherhood changes man in dynamic and fantastic ways. He becomes better than he thought he could be. He demands that the environment around his family is safe and supportive and morally right. He becomes more than he thought he could be-because he loves his children and it is what has to be done.

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