by Maria K.

Created on: October 02, 2009

I have been pregnant twice... In one year... For nine weeks each time... Had everything gone according to plan, I could have been halfway through a pregnancy and well on my way to a baby. Unfortunately, something went wrong in both cases, and the fetus died sometime between weeks six and eight.

Miscarriage at any stage of pregnancy is an awful experience to go through - no question about it. The grief, the shattered hopes, the loss of unrealized potential can be almost too much to bear. There are, however, some things that can be learned and leveraged for comfort to help you survive.

1) THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You must remember that. Having a miscarriage does not invalidate you as a woman and a human being. This is not the time to be hard on yourself. Take good care of yourself, allow yourself to be human so that you can recover.

2) Miscarriages are a lot more common than we realize. It is just that nobody talks about it during cocktail parties - people prefer to talk about their normal healthy kids. If you mention miscarriage to another woman in private, you may discover that half of your female acquaintances had at least one miscarriage. Some women miscarry before they even realize they are pregnant. It is not uncommon to have two miscarriages in a row. The point is - this happening to you is not an indication of some terrible incurable fault with you, and you are definitely not alone.

3) Miscarriage is a nature's way of keeping a woman from using her resources on something that cannot survive. This may seem like a very cold way of looking at a terrible tragedy. However, the same natural mechanism allows you to "reset" and try again. Going back to point (2), the same women who admitted to having had a miscarriage will tell you about having a normal healthy baby on the next try - a good thing to keep in mind and rally your own spirits.

4) If you are in the early stages of pregnancy, schedule an ultrasound around week 8 - a point, by which a fetus should have a heartbeat. Set it up, even if you are not having any symptoms of a miscarriage (cramping, bleeding, nausea, etc.) If everything goes well - you will have a very first picture of your little one. If not - it is better to detect the problem early, giving you more options and more time to decide what to do.

5) If the early ultrasound and blood tests determine that the fetus is not viable, get a D&C (Dilation and Curettage). Yes, in layman's terms, D&C is an abortion. However, please remember, that

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