by Walter Ray

Created on: October 01, 2009   Last Updated: October 04, 2009

Sex is natural. It's how we reproduce. It's the birds and the bees. When our bodies are ready and we get the urge to have sex, it's only natural and we ought to do it. Right?

Not so fast. Human nature is different than bird nature or bee nature. Unlike animals, we don't just do what our biology tells us to do. We make choices about what we do. To take one example, if we were like animals, there would be no vegetarians. Biologically, we're omnivores, just like grizzly bears. Our teeth are designed to eat both plants and animals. You won't find any grizzly bear vegetarians, at least not by choice. But some of us humans choose not to eat meat. This is not an argument for or against vegetarianism. It is only to say that being a vegetarian is not natural, but it is human.

Humans find meaning in what they do. For us eating is not just about getting nutrients into our bodies. We choose what, when and how we eat. We dress our food up. Cultures develop elaborate cuisines. Our meals are social events with etiquette and rituals. Eating for us is meaningful, even when it's only fast food. When our eating loses its meaning, when it's only about nutrients, we're somehow less human.

Sex is the same way. The writer C. S. Lewis, in a book called The Four Loves, talks about sexuality as the grubby roots of the love he calls Eros, the love between a man and a woman. Eros is the human flowering of the natural, biological sex drive. Love is a social event; it's about relationship. It involves etiquette and rituals. Just as with eating, human cultures develop rules around sex to give it meaning and make it human.

Even in our present-day society, which offers very little guidance in the use of sex, where high schools give out condoms because they're going to do it anyway (because, after all it's natural)even in our society, people understand that love gives meaning to sex. I'm going to wait until I find someone I really love, you'll hear young people say, or we really love each other, so it's OK for us to have sex. Often love is identified with a strong feeling. The question about what love entails, the commitment, the self-giving, etc., is left aside. But it's a start.

Christianity has a rule about sex that gives it meaning: No sex outside of marriage. Unfortunately, Christianity has not always been helpful in teaching about sex. A large segment of the church has bought into the idea of sex as natural. Sex, according to this view, is the means of fulfilling God's command to the

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