by Lyn Michaud

Created on: September 30, 2009

Part of the initial heart-pounding feeling isn't love or even lust, it could be defined as closer to fear. This is not the kind that makes you run screaming to bury your face in a pillow with the comforter pulled up, but the dread of possibilities that might happen. Instead of convincing ourselves of the good that can come from a relationship we focus on doubts. She might cheat on me. He's too good for me. She is only interested in my money. His ex is still in the picture, there isn't enough love left for me. We each have an idea of what love should feel like and that makes love complicated. No matter how we define love or want love to be we are intimidated by similar human fears. Read on for the biggies and how to conquer them.

Loss of Control, Freedom and Identity

Now you have another person with a claim on your time, money, body and decisions. Remember you have an equal claim to those in another person's life. Be honest about your feelings. Use words like, I love our time together and I like my Thursday nights with the guys. I'd like to continue. This honest proposal lets the other person know you care and aren't trying to sneak in surprises.

Possibility of Being Hurt

No doubt about it, sharing your hopes, dreams and love with someone gives them ammunition for later. This negative thinking overpowers the good stuff that's happening and sets you up to sabotage the relationship. Go into a relationship with the attitude, for as long as it's good for both of us. You're more likely to try harder and find romantic things to do for each other.

Failure

The 'f' word is always out there, we figure if we fail at love that defines us as a failure. Any relationship requires both individuals to make an effort at sharing, caring and finding joy in life. Being taken for granted or being the one who is taking the other person for granted is one cause of relationship failure. To eschew the possibility of love because of the chance of failure means you're failing already by not giving it a fair shot.

Having to Live up to Expectations

As individuals we are the sum of our experience, no two people are going to be an exact match. Talk is important, getting to know each other, sharing dreams. To know yourself first means you have a better ability to let the other person know what you expect and by sharing you each have an equal opportunity of loving and deciding if your goals and desires are compatible for a relationship.

Baggage

Every one of us has a collection of

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