by Lisa Federico

Created on: September 30, 2009   Last Updated: October 01, 2009

Jealousy: An Inner Battle

Just when I think the conflict will subside, when the jealousy will drain from her very being, something will set her off and the battle within starts all over again. She is 64 years old now. Will she ever let it go?

Margie has been my neighbor for years. She and her husband, Paul, have no children. They're comfortable but far from well off. Paul is 75 with various health problems and senility slowly setting in. He retired many years ago, has a very small pension, and a less than impressive monthly social security payment due to low paying jobs his entire working life. Margie would have preferred early retirement but the need to keep up with her younger sister, Noreen, forces her to continue working.

Noreen quit working at age 25 when she married a 28-year-old doctor. She is now 60 and has devoted her time over the past 35 years to various charity work and volunteering at the hospital where her husband, Ted, is now a well known and highly paid brain surgeon. They also have no children, and are extremely well off.

Noreen lives several states away. I don't see her often but we've known each other for years. We send birthday and holiday cards and keep in touch with monthly phone calls. Margie doesn't know this. If she did, she would likely fly into a jealous rage and sever all contact with both her sister and me, so we have a secret relationship, because Margie considers me her friend.

The fact is, Margie is extremely jealous of her sister, but will never admit it. She goes out of her way and far beyond her means to impress Noreen, indulging in luxuries she cannot afford. She talks high and mighty, brags about relationships with people she barely knows, and garners favors from the unassuming by buying gifts for their children or, in many cases, excessive tipping. She wiggles her way into social circles, high profile cocktail parties, and every cultural event in town. She tips at 50% all the time, sometimes more tossing money around as if it were of no use to her.

Noreen and Ted are sophisticated, educated, and dedicated to worthy causes. They do not seek attention or privileges; he works hard and she volunteers more hours that she would work in a full time job. They have a beautiful home in an exclusive area, drive expensive cars, and dress well, but are otherwise unassuming people who treasure their privacy.

Last summer, Noreen and Ted sent Margie and Paul a letter before their fortieth anniversary, inviting them on an all-expenses-paid

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