by Lisa Raymond

Created on: September 30, 2009   Last Updated: October 01, 2009

When someone dies, it is most comfortable, normal and easiest route, for people to say, "I'm sorry." This is a short phrase that has been ingrained into our brains as a filler of words as if it was the make-it-better phrase. As a recent griever, it is the most useless words that we want, or need to hear.

Instead of saying the status quo, "I'm sorry, if there is anything I can do..." try something along the lines of, "While there is nothing I can do to bring your loved one back, I can and am prepared to help you celebrate the life and enjoyment they had with you." Reassure them that you are there for the long haul and not just through the funeral.

Most times, people come together to briefly grieve and then go home while life goes on for them, it is sometimes hard for the griever to move at the same pace as everyone else. Realizing that there is no time frame to get past death will help you better deal with your friend, because rushing them to move on with life can actually do more mental/emotional damage than good. Bringing someone out of that type of depression is almost impossible, but helping them walk through it is vital, if you consider yourself to uphold the true characteristics of the word FRIEND. Some helpful suggestions:

1. If it is an adult that has lost their significant other, a certificate to a massage facility may be in order, especially if they take care of young children.

2. Be an exercise buddy. Take a walk and talk about nothing (or something), join a one night a week dance class, or something physical.

3. If kids are involved, offer to watch the kids so the person can have a couple of hours of free time.

4. Sometimes even stepping in to make an easy decision (can I come over next week and help you.) is so appreciated.

While the options here are endless, be creative and positive with your suggestions and decisions. A true friend is there, regardless of what time or day it is. While it's widely unsaid, sometimes just being there to pray with, hold and listen is just what is needed to get them through a rough patch.

Remember, you're not trying to replace what they've lost (you can't), but you can be there for them. Remind them that it is okay to grieve as it is a necessary process and you will be there as long as they want (not need) you to be.

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