by Natasha Scott

Created on: September 30, 2009

The term "stay at home mum" conjures up many images, mum with the apron on baking cookies, the mum sipping coffee without a care in the world, or the mum sitting down and reading to her children before bed. These can be indicative of what life is like for stay at home mums, but there is another side that is much less glamorous, the loss of ones sense of self and the loneliness.

Recently I had a conversation with a girlfriend whose second child is 3 months old, and who is struggling with staying at home. She was quizzed on what her interests were, apart from being a mum, she could not think of any. For a professional woman who had a highly paid job previously, this disturbed her immensely.

I have been a stay at home mum for 5 years now and whether or not I have remained sane is certainly debatable. Do not get me wrong, motherhood has been an extremely rewarding experience, harrowing at times but none the less rewarding. There have been a number of factors that have helped me cope with leaving the work force and being plunged head first into the reality that is being a stay at home mum.

I am part of a mothers group that has played an integral role in getting me through the first few years of motherhood. We have laughed, cried and whined together and the support we gave each other was invaluable. It was never judgemental but rather as a result of our own experiences, as limited as these might have been. So I would say the first step to keeping sane is to be in regular contact with other mothers that are at the same stage of parenthood as you.

Secondly having some time to yourself, whether that be going to the gym, browsing the supermarket aisles or even reading a book at the end of the day, it is imperative that you don't totally forget to have some "ME" time. This may sound easier than it seems for most, I myself did not have support from my family or the in-laws. My mother works full time so she would help when she could but for the most part it was me, myself and I. This made for some difficult times, especially when my first son was really ill and I had no escape, but it has really made me a lot more capable in situations that I probably would otherwise not have coped with.

Another tip is getting out into the great outdoors, going for long walks, visits to the park and even quick sessions around the block can refresh you and give you the energy to make it through the day.

One of the most challenging times for me was when I was breastfeeding through the night, the silence can be eerie and your mind seems to wander into areas it would not otherwise go. The one thought that constantly gave me comfort was that I knew there were thousands of others around the world doing exactly what I was doing. So I kept it real by remembering that whilst I may have been lonely, I was not alone.

Your partner, if you have one, plays an instrumental role in keeping it real. Make time for each other and ensure that you enquire about their day as well as discussing yours. It's great to have a laugh and relay the days events, as we get to stay at home and see every achievement and milestone first hand. Support and understanding for each others roles in raising children is essential in maintaining a happy and peaceful household.

Finally, do what you personally need to to get through the day, the world is filled with advice, take some, take it all or take none, in the end it is up to you. Just take each day at a time and remember that whilst times may be testing, we really are lucky to be able to share this special time with our children.

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