by Kelly Greenbaum

Created on: September 29, 2009   Last Updated: September 09, 2010

Trevor was conceived by accident and yet his young mother and father were aglow with excitement. That was until his mother found drugs hidden inside their apartment wall. The mother convinced herself that in time his priorities would change. But they never did.

He was always full of promises. He promised the mother and Trevor, that he would always be there, but he never was. He was not there for his birth, his birthdays, and he never contributed financially. He would show up once every four years,make empty promises, and break his heart again. Trevor's mother would always make excuses for him because she didn't want him to think badly of himself. Sadly, all dad cared about were himself, drugs, and alcohol.

After the last visit of his father, at the age of five, Trevor looked outside of his bedroom window and wept. He knew it would be years before he would see his father again. His mother had always told him that his father couldn't help because he was busy at work, but Trevor knew it was just an excuse. He thought it must have been because he wasn't good enough. He would spend many years living up to an invisible standard he thought would finally impress his father enough to stay around and love him.

Then Trevor had a son of his own. This is when he realized just what his father had always been. His mother had always lied to him about what his dad was, to spare Trevor from blaming himself. Now that Trevor was a father he truly understood the sacrifices his mother had made and why. He understood that it was not their fault. He would be a wonderful father. He became the father that he had never had. He began to understand that parenting has to be a selfless act.

Trevor came to terms with himself and knew that being a father was hard, unrecognized, and just expected. He knew that it was never his fault his father chose to be an absent parent. The fact that his father had a choice, the same choice he now had, made him understand just how far he had come. He did not give himself the excuse to be a poor parent just because his father had been one. He grew up and became the father he had always longed for. He realized that he would not be judged by his father's past failures, but rather his accomplishments. He would stop calling him his father, because now he understood the real meaning of fatherhood. Fatherhood was not something to be taken lightly; there were no special awards, pats on the back, or grateful children. A real father had integrity and character, but above all else, unconditional love. 

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