by Marla Hansen

Created on: September 29, 2009   Last Updated: September 30, 2009

When I was a child a terrible, horrible, smelly and foul, green-faced witch lived in my closet. She would never dare show herself as I dressed for bed or climbed beneath my blankets. But once my mother turned the lights out, she took every opportunity to annoy, harass and scare the begeebers out of me. No matter how many times I called my father, he was never quick enough to catch her. She was even so sinister as to have him get irritated with me and tell me to stop being silly because there was nothing in my closet. After what seemed like ages of these nasty attacks occurring, I vowed when I had children of my own I would combat any witch, wooly haired monster or wombat that dared to enter my child's closet or hide under their bed. Sure enough, years later that old witch sent some of her cohorts to harass my children. I was ready for her and her pals this time!

LET THERE BE LIGHT

I armed my children with flashlights. Everyone knows that goonies and ghouls are terrified of light and melt instantly when hit with a beam of white. Sending our children off to bed armed and dangerous not only scared off the enemies but more importantly, it empowered our children making them real-life superheroes.

A SWEET AROMA

Each child had a can of Lysol on the nightstand later switching to Febreeze. Since it is a well known fact that monsters hate anything sweet or clean smelling and will instantly melt beginning with their nostrils, this was a standard-issued weapon. One note: Lysol worked equally well but the Febreeze does the best job of ridding the room of that ghastly, ghostly odor sometimes left behind after a monster meltdown.

MUSIC TO MY EARS

We also played classical music at bedtime. Since it is common knowledge that music soothes wild beasts, we thought we would give it a try. Imagine our surprise to find it also melts monsters. Of course, other soothing sounds would work as well, we are sure. Classical just happened to be our choice.

SUPERHERO SIDEKICK

Finally, we made sure that each of our real-life superhero children had his or her very own superhero sidekick. Seriously, you can't have Batman without Robin, can you? Each child carefully chose what appeared to be nothing more than a stuffed animal or favorite blankie. However, once washed with a super-duper, special and secret formula, the bear or blanket now had super powers to watch over our sleeping superhero and protect them from any and all dangers.

So there you have it. Tried and true ways to rid your closet and other dark places of any and all goonies, gremlins and ghouls. Superheroes unite!

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