by Shayla Johnson

Created on: September 29, 2009

Every child needs to know they are secure and loved. This is often difficult for step parents to know how to provide to their step children. The truth of the matter is it may be easier than they think. The hardest part is just making a plan and sticking to it.

The first thing you need to do when attempting to make your step child feel loved and secure is show respect to both of their parents. A child does not want to see anyone mistreating the two people they love the most in the world, their mother and father. If you want your step child to bring you into their inner circle then you need to show kindness and love towards those already in the group. No child will feel safe and loved if you are constantly bad mouthing their parents.

The second thing you need to do is establish trust. Easier said than done right? Well maybe not. What you need to do is make a promise and follow through on it. Promise the child a special night during the week where they can pick the movie and snacks for everyone to enjoy. Then actually do it. You could also say something like How about this weekend you and I go shopping, or go eat at your favorite restaurant? The key is you better follow through with what you suggest. The child will be watching and eagerly expecting to see if you pull through for them. Once you have done this several times, the child will know that you will do what you say. They will see that they can trust you. Another great way to establish trust is to respect them and show them trust. If you are saying they haven't shown you that you can trust them, well you have to give them an opportunity to. If they fail, try again. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes.

The last thing you will need to do in order to make your step child feel loved and secure is to treat them as you treat your own children. If you want them to feel like one of your own, and that they are a part of the family, then you need to treat them as if they are. Make sure they receive the same punishments and rewards that your own children would receive. This will show them that there aren't any differences in them and your own, making them feel more accepted.

Step children carry their own special needs, and it is important to make them feel they are loved and secure within their family. Blended families can be stressful on children, so it is important to ensure they feel accepted and a part of the family.

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