by Effie Moore Salem

Created on: September 29, 2009

Children are born into this world with two parents, a mother and a father, whether or not these two are around during the growing up process. The facts of their creation demand that henceforth both of these dominant forces of life be present if they are to grow into wholesome and productive adulthood. This is the ideal situation, unfortunately it is often otherwise. In these cases, others' - uncles, aunts, grandparents, - take over and fill in and help out. This is not ideal but it works.

This article is about the ideal situation where both parents are present a birth and where both contribute to the everyday needs of their children. Mother is the first attachment a newborn latches onto after birth. After the first few minutes of having landed into the new alien territory and being manually separated from their mother, the newborn is floating around on a sea of confusion. Where in the world am I? Soon, after being cleansed, checked and wrapped warmly he is presented to his mother. She adores them, and soon, they adore her.

They are practically inseparable for the first days and weeks. Although father has been there equally happy and overtaken with this new creation, as far as the baby is concerned, there is only mother. Soon, however, the new baby is aware of another different but welcomed presence. It is to these two individuals the child will spend his formative years. If there are siblings, they will be tolerated and loved but their overall happiness depends on these two.

Imagine how distraught and confused this child becomes when the two most important people in their lives, argue, disagree and fight. If this is only done sporadically and the fight is nothing but a disagreement, it will matter little and will be a lesson in tolerance. It will be nothing more than preparing them for their own childish and adolescent disagreements when the breaking away from them begins. Although frightening at first, as all threats to their continuing relationship and dependence on their caretakers are, they soon recover and soon are back secure and snug in this three way love affair.

But let this gap widen and gradually the child will be forced to take sides. This is an emotional bombshell as far their emotional growth and ability to trust is concerned. They will not covertly take sides unless the situation is so extreme they are forced to decide, but subconsciously they will favor one over the other. This is far healthier than wavering back and forth and being continually

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