by Maria Minten

Created on: September 28, 2009

My daughter was about 3 months old and I was driving home from an appointment with the doctor. My daughter was just 'diagnosed' as colicky. I was exhausted and very close to the point of officially jumping ship. All I could think about was the woman I used to be and the life I used to live and how I missed it! As I drove, enjoying a rare moment of silence with the baby asleep in the back seat, I felt like I hit a wall. It was at that moment that I realized that THIS IS MY LIFE NOW. I was a mother. Period. Full stop.

This is MY life now.

Until that moment, I truly believe I was operating in crisis-mode. Suddenly I became shockingly aware of how tears, diapers, sore nipples, car seats, breast pumps, naps, exhaustion, tummy time, etc had taken the place of lesson plans, staff meetings, professional development and dressing for success. Now I felt as though I accomplished something extraordinary if I managed to dress at all.

My first reaction to all this was deep sadness. I missed my old self - my old life. I missed my social calendar being filled; I missed dressing up for a night out and then sleeping late the next day; I missed my work, my colleagues, my sense of control over the situations I found myself in. Oh, how I missed it all. I think this is a common feeling for first time mothers. Motherhood is hard.

A baby changes your whole world.

And it truly is a glorious change.

But definitely one that takes time, patience and a selfless heart to fully appreciate.

Motherhood stretches a woman is ways she never imagined. Her sense of self and personal identity becomes cloudy, strained, changed, contradicted at times and pushed to the limits. As I worked on developing my new relationship with my daughter, I also had to first acknowledge and then accept that all my other relationships were changing as well. This is a monumental challenge at a time when you already feel like everything is chaotic.

How does one cope with all this? There is no text-book answer. Everyone and every situation is different. Time is needed. To find some much needed time - learn to simply say YES. Say YES to your mother who wants to come by and take the baby for a walk. Say YES to the friend who insists on bringing dinner over. Say YES to your husband when he says he can handle the colicky cries of your newborn. If given the opportunity to have a few moments to yourself, say YES. Take the time to grieve your old self, but more importantly, take time to discover your new self. Your

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