Pride is a word about which some unpleasant concepts have developed. It is associated with arrogance, self regard and selfishness. It is used denigrate an individual and in the Christian tradition is something to be avoided because it smacks of smugness. Overweening pride is not a pleasant quality and raises some strong emotional responses in others.

However, pride has some good points too. In Western society it is not politically correct to let others know you are competent, able and can do a job well. It is considered arrogant. It is something we are taught, as children, to avoid. As a result, individuals are cautious about showing confidence. Confidence suggests pride. The spin off from this is that confidence is in short supply and without it, it is not easy to work well. Confidence allows us to know what we can do and where we need help. Pride in a job well done is something valuable because it is showing we have tried our hardest to be as exacting as we can. It encourages us to continue to try and even to improve. Surely this is what we want to achieve when we try to do something. Great achievements rarely happen without considerable effort.

At the level of personal relationships, we can allow someone else to push us around or we can have enough pride to recognize that this is not treatment we either deserve or should have. Battered wives have no pride because they do not feel they are worth anything and many expect to be treated badly. A woman with some pride will take steps to defend herself and her children and look for help, refusing to be bullied. She knows the declarations of remorse and love that are often showered on her after she have been abused are false. Nothing is going to change. Pride in this instance protects her physically and emotionally and allows her to deal sensibly with the situation. If you are not sure about this ask why most battered wives stay with abusive men. So many really believe they are unlovable by anyone else. It could be of course that religious rules say she must put up with whatever is metered out. But the extreme of that is the way the Taliban treat their womenfolk. The punishments are fierce for women who show any spirit.

We find it difficult in the West to say to our children who have achieved something good, 'I'm so proud of you'. The child, even adult children, needs their parents to say this. It has a feel good factor.

Pride is something which needs to be moderated. Too little and we are nothing, too much and we are unpleasant.

Learn more about this author, Rosemary Redfern.
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