by Kimberly Foster

Created on: September 28, 2009   Last Updated: September 29, 2009

Be advised, giving may be hazardous to your relationship. I've recently discovered the truth of the statement first hand. Generally, I do not have a lot to give. I try to give my time to charitable or political initiatives but money is not really an option. My friends are in similar situations. We, none of us have any money and we're all just trying to survive. I try to help them out when I can and expect they would do the same. I really do not think about the issue any more than that. This has proven to be a mistake.

My best friend recently celebrated her 40th birthday. This is kind of a milestone birthday for a woman. They either take it well or badly but either way it should be celebrated with great fuss, in my opinion. Linda was not particularly thrilled at the prospect of turning 40 and despite my arguments as to the merits of the "forties" she was feeling a bit down. Linda had her kids early in life and was made a Grandma about two years back. She often spoke of her grandchild and lamented at not having met him due to distance. Her children live in Arizona and we live in Chicago. For about 6 months I planned to get Linda a plane ticket to see her family for her 40th birthday to rectify the situation.

I reached out to her husband to conspire with him about my plans. He didn't sound exactly thrilled, but he's not the most positive person in the world so I didn't take it personally. I just wanted to advise him of what I wanted to do and hopefully he understands that I couldn't afford to get him a ticket as well. After the conversation, I told Linda of my plans. I had originally wanted to keep it a surprise, but that proved to be entirely too problematic. She was thrilled and the plans were made. It made my heart feel so good to see her so excited planning to see her grandchild and children. We then began working on getting tickets for her husband and his son from a previous marriage. It was very challenging, but we managed to get everyone out there and Linda was very happy.

It's months later and Linda and her husband have a fight to which she called me to come pick her up. To say my heart was broken this day is pretty much an understatement. Not only are my best friends breaking up but it may be due to my giving Linda a gift for her 40th birthday. Linda's husband basically felt that I was the problem because I gave her something that he felt he should have been able to give her. How do you respond to something like that? My initial feeling was to say, "you

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