by Denise Baer

Created on: September 28, 2009

It is a growing problem raising plenty of discussion. This last week I wrote a blog post about common courtesy and respect, which includes unruly teenagers and silent adults. I take a firm stance on yes we need to go back to the old adage "children should be seen and not heard." This also means a change in society and parenting where competitiveness needs to take a backseat to manners. As of right now, priorities to do well in school and activities trump disciplined behavior.

Starting at a young age, children need discipline and this discipline includes silence. This saying does not mean we should never hear our future voices but rather they should learn when and how to use them. In my younger years, my brother, sister and I knew when to talk and when to be invisible. "Apparently my granddaughter's generation have some kind of handicap in the ability to "be invisible." We did not interrupt adults when they were talking, and we certainly allowed our parents to talk on the phone without disruption. When spoken to, we paid attention to the adult whether they were praising or correcting. Nowadays, children want to be a part of everything and the boundaries between children and adults are crossed. In many instances it is the adults seen and not heard.

Today's generation and those raising children abandoned the concepts of consistency and respect. I found this analogy interesting. "We use kids like Prozac. People don't necessarily feel great about their spouse or job but the kids are the bright spot in their day. They don't want to hurt." For example, parents allow their children to stay up to all hours of the night when there is no school the next day, and in some cases, on a regular basis. Throughout the year, my siblings and I were in bed at a set time every night. We might not have slept, but we were in bed. It was my mother's way of keeping consistency and allowing time to herself. My discussions with parents are all about making the children happy and supposedly their lives easier by sacrificing discipline. In many households, both parents work so time management is important. There is a time for dinner, homework and bed. If children met their bed times every night, there wouldn't be a "Supernanny" and parents could get a lot more done. It shows the children how to respect household rules. Instead, parents let the children stay up because it's too exhausting to fight with them.

Also, it is time to bring down the importance of competitiveness a few notches. "Parenting today is also largely about training children to compete... and the kinds of attributes they need to be competitive are precisely those that help break down society's civility." Society is obsessed with children getting good grades, working hard in their activities that things slide. Chores are a thing of the past because there simply is no time for them with all the after school activities. In order for children to achieve their goals, they must put their achievements above everything else, including people. This does not teach children how to achieve social graces.

When children learn to be seen not heard, and our society places importance on morals and values then we will see a change in common courtesy and respect. We could all use moments of silence to relearn the importance of listening. Morals and values build strength, and failing to instill them will build a nation of wimps.

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