by Alexus Mckeon

Created on: September 28, 2009

Testimonies :coping with life after sexual abuse

I am what they call a survivor of sexual abuse. I hate that term "survivor" Wow where to start with this personal issue? I changed my name 17 years ago. I hated the name my mother gave me. I looked at it as a gift for myself. A parting gift. Kinda more like the booby prize of what I had endured. I actually used the letters from the word sexual written on a piece of paper to create a new name.I have forgiven but not forgotten the abuse I suffered at the hands of my abuser. Coping, I guess, that would be a good word for it. I have daily contact with my abuser as my mom stayed with him.

I have gone through problems since I was 12 with my drug/alcohol problems in my life. Addiction I think for a long time from suicide and trying to kill myself. Though back in 1991 I was D.O.A. for overdosing on more than 800 pills which included Zannax, Excedrin pm, Antabuse, alcohol, and a brand new prescription of 200 milligram Seroquille.

This happened to me for 8 years from the age of 4-12. My informative years. When I was becoming a personality and being. I mourn the loss and often wonder what I would of been if this had not taken place. To make it worse I was supposed to be adopted when I was born because my mom was too young. She tore up the papers and kept me! uggh!

The after affects huh?

Drug/alcohol abuse

Disconnection not being able to be a proper parent

Trust issues

not being able to bond

never feeling good enough

Bad or protective temperament..

Nightmares or terrors

Bipolar add and any disorder

psychological issues from hell

This destroys everything about you!

A person that was sexually abused will put up strenuous boundaries to everyone. They will test the hell out of you. To earn their trust is a task. They always seem to pick the wrong people for relationships. After a few of these encounters they/WE shut down. To gain anything true and empathetic is an accomplishment. They count incidents and the people that wrong them. Aileen Wuornos was the first female serial killer put to death for her man hating crimes. In her eyes it restored a sense of power. EVERY SEXUAL ABUSE VICTIM! Romanticizes and plays out exacting revenge on their abuser exacting pain. Never what they have suffered at this persons hands.

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