by Rebekah Mobley-Kasner

Created on: September 27, 2009   Last Updated: October 09, 2009

The most effective form of parent-child communication lies in the concept that children are people too. Beneath their budding vocabulary and articulation difficulties, they are packed with relevant information and the deserving of attention. As the parent of a talkative five-year-old daughter, I try to approach every verbal interact with the same tone that I would use to engage a friend or befriend a strange. Ultimately, respect should fuel open communication between parent and child. Sure, parents want their children to listen and respect parental directions or commands. Accordingly, obedience is a highly prized parental objective; however at the core of clear dialogue, that respect must be mutual. Each exchange I have with my daughter is simply another opportunity to for me to model an imperative, interpersonal skill that she will use for the rest of her life. From playing on the playground to workplace interaction, what I say and how I say it will be parroted. Here are some of the tips I use for talking to my little tyke:

Listen Up

As a parent, take the time to hear what your child has to say. Making eye contact and listening to a child is especially important when correcting or disciplining. I have learned that allowing my daughter to explain her behavior provides her to the chance to realize her mistakes while also offering perspective on what motivate her decisions, both good and bad. Try active listening techniques, such as paraphrasing what the child has said to encourage further dialogue.

Engage, Don't Dominate

As the adult in a parent-child conversation, I do find myself tempted to dominate the conversation both verbally with "big" words or non verbally by towering over my daughter. Take a moment to step back out of the child's personal space. While I tend to use "big words" of the three and four syllable variety with my daughter, I avoid introducing new words while reprimanding her. Keeping my dialogue clear and concise, our language level becomes that of equals understanding each other. Ultimately as the parent, my job is to avoid talking over or under my daughter: no baby gibberish and no erudite vocabulary. Furthermore, I tend to think of my reprimands as more corrective directives. While correcting, I try to enforce positive behavior and always be specific about what she did wrong and what she did right.

Ask questions

Development is a tenuous process requiring patience and time, according so will perfecting communication and dialogue with a child. So feed the process and ask questions. I feel like I know everything about my daughter, from the finer details of her numerous secondary skin allergies to how much sugar it takes for her to blast off. I always assumed she liked Dora the Explorer, until she told me "Go Diego Go is better because he has a cooler backpack," which explains why she wanted the Diego pillowcase and not Dora merchandise. The more questions I ask, the more questions she asks and the more our base of communication expands. Practice makes perfect.

In short, interact verbally and non verbally with your child, as you would want your child to treat others, including you. Since effective communication is rooted in respect, I treat my daughter like I would a friend. One day, I hope she will be that friend and when she addresses me, I'll know where she learned to communicate.

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